Short and Sweet

Justice for shorties. I’m framing this as an “Asa” post. 

Asa member of the vertically challenged community  - actually there’s nothing communal about it, I resorted to ‘grouping’ terminology through laziness - anyway, “Asa Kylie-sized / all the best things come in small packages” and representative of short-arses everywhere, I would like to make the case for making size-ism a hate-crime. 

They say Randy Newman was making a subtle point (about prejudice) but many people took those mean lyrics at face value. 

If you’re short you are disadvantaged. Fact. Through no fault of your own. You can’t change it - well you can have an operation to get your legs lengthened (you don’t hear so much about that op these days. I wonder how it panned out? ) whereas physically down-sizing ourselves is neither an option nor an aspiration.  You could wear elevating shoes, which only makes people laugh at you even more than (absolutely) necessary.

Some people don’t reveal their lack of stature until they stand up. And the opposite. Who’d have thought Huw Edwards was a giant before they saw him towering over Mary Berry. Sitting at the newsdesk he looks distinctly average.

Being short makes people disrespect you. To assume one’s childlike height means one *is* a child shouldn’t. be. allowed.

Standing next to a tall person is humiliating for a little'un as well. For both of you, true, but more so for the shorty. Think of Hammond and Clarkson.  The differential between Hammond and giant Clarkson is literally the elephant in the studio.

Oddly, when I was at school I never acquired a shortist nickname, though I was the same size as the class  ‘titch’. The only nicknames I acquired were derivatives of my surname.  I like to think that was because my personality was tall. 

If you apply bog-standard logic to the definition of racism, eg., by reducing it to the simple matter of hard-wired (“hardware”) meaning inherent characteristic that you’re lumbered with (racial and  genetic) as opposed to ‘software’ -  add-ons - religious, cultural or ideological,  then shortism certainly qualifies as racism.

This is not fair. Take John Bercow. A large part of the vitriol aimed at Bercow includes derogatory and demeaning references to his diminutive stature. But he isn’t freakishly small. Below average, perhaps. So, was this about the impertinence of a jumped-up, not-tall-enough individual assuming he had the authority of 'we giants' ? Or merely because the haters thought that such a huge amount of pomposity had no business coming from someone under six foot? Let’s face it, some of our political bigwigs are huge. With massive feet too, I shouldn’t wonder. Boats for shoes.

Shortist remarks abound. Remember Sarkozy? I suppose the fact that Mrs Sarcozy and Mrs Bercow tower above their 'old men' adds to the humiliation, though some short man/tall wife combos seem to think it’s something to show off about.

making a virtue out of necessity

If you’re genuinely handicapped size-wise, certain types of jokes are off-limits. Only ‘laughing with you, not at you” jokes are allowed. I wonder what would happen if Warwick Davis reinvented himself as a politician? Cue jokes about standing for office. Warwick Davis for Speaker! No quips about high-chairs then, I’ll wager.

Anyway, I demand protected status.