Plenty Of Offence

As every right-minded person (of whatever gender, or none, or every) knows, jokes aren't a laughing matter these days.

And rightly so. 

If you make or laugh at an inappropriate joke you shouldn't just be ashamed of yourself, you should actually be shamed. 

Publicly. 

Painfully.

Preferably with milkshake. 

Or just get clobbered within an inch of your racist life with one of Owen Jones's highly-reasoned, heavyweight tomes.

And you should then be banned from social media.

And lose your job.

And, hopefully, die - especially if you're also old and voted for Brexit.

*******

I saw a list of the top 10 jokes at this year's Edinburgh Festival today and found all but one of them highly offensive.

To laugh at any of the nine so-called 'funny ones' is akin to abetting genocide. 

It's time to either ban the Edinburgh Fringe once and for all, or (better) to no-platform anyone whose is considered 'funny', as 'being funny' is a gendered, racist synonym for 'being bigoted'.

Let true comedians, like BBC comedian Milton Jones (who gave us the only truly successful joke in the Top Ten), take the truly edgy route of true comedy and attack those who truly deserve to be milkshaked or clobbered by jokes - namely, Brexit supporters, the Duke of Edinburgh and the old. 

"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh", quipped the mighty Milton - surely the equal of John Milton (another noted wit).

That's the kind of biting, bang-on-the-mark joke right-thinking BBC Radio 4 audiences laugh their well-chosen, vegan-sympathetic socks off about every day on BBC Radio 4, uproariously. So, therefore, it must be funny. 

*******

But, alas, not everyone's like Milton:

For instance, to make a joke out of mental illness is appalling.

We can all agree about that. 

All my multiple personalities are unanimous about that too. 

And France's greatest heroes - Napoleon and President Macron and St. Dominic of Grieve (who are also me, as you probably know) - also agree about that.

The 'second-best' joke this year - "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - is, therefore, one of the most offensive things EVER. 

I've spent the entire day sobbing with rage over it and re-reading my teenage Sylvia Plath tribute poem over and over and over again. "Aunty, Aunty, you bi*ch, I'm through", etc.

The white, middle-aged, male so-called 'comedian' behind it should be hounded off every stage in the country and then arrested and put in solitary confinement in the same cell with like-minded bigots like Tommy Yaxley Casciani of the EDL.

*******

The 'fourth-best' joke - "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows'" by Jake Lambert - fails to give testimony to the suffering of native Americans at the hand of cowboys - white racists like him. 

This so-called 'comedian' (white, middle-aged, male) is, and let's speak truth to power here and tell it straight, nothing but a racist. 

He - as a racist - needs to educate himself by watching the Disney documentary 'Pocahontas' which detailed the oppression of native Americans (like the story's lead character, voiced by leading American actress and follower of the Stanislavski system Dame Elizabeth Warren) at the hand of white, racist, middle-aged, male cowboys like this racist racist Jake Lambert. 

*******

But it was the 'winning joke' that REALLY made my blood boil. 

I literally couldn't be more offended. David Lammy should find out the white, racist bigot of a so-called 'comedian' who told this and punch his *%^&*$£ing fascist lights out, gently and kindly. 

Arse. 

This *%^&*$£ing fascist mocked sufferers of Tourtette's Syndrome. I stand shoulder-to-arse with all Tourette's sufferers in finding this arse truly beyond the *%^&*$£ing pale: "I keep randomly shouting out 'broccoli' and 'cauliflower' - I think I might have florets." 

I was going to *%^&*$£ing complain but, according to the *%^&*$£ing BBC arse, someone got there first:

People with Tourette's angered after Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel's joke wins award at Edinburgh Fringehttps://t.co/nVcjdgxTds

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) August 19, 2019

Deep respect there for the BBC for doing their woke duty and leaping to make that a serious headline news story.