AND DIANE ABBOTT??!???!!!

Dead Ringers has a long tradition of being the most even-handed political comedy show presently broadcast by the BBC. (It pretty much has the field to itself). 

Though The Dead Ringers Election Special 2019 was undoubtedly at its most fierce towards Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg (with Jan Ravens doing a superb election night Theresa May), it took satirical potshots at all sides - including Hugh Grant and Laura Kuenssberg - and was often laugh-out-loud funny. 

Here are some of my favourite jokes (a biased selection if ever I saw one!):

Nick Robinson: Despite things looking dire Jeremy Corbyn insisted he was remaining positive as he arrived at Dignitas to watch the results come in.

Jeremy Corbyn: I want to remind you that in relation to the election result I am maintaining a neutral stance.

Mishal Husain: To give you an extent of just how dreadful a night it was for Labour, Prince Andrew told friends he thought it had gone rather well for Corbyn.

Jo Swinson: It's a long story, but suffice to say a campaign strategy based on telling 17.4 million people to go swivel has surprisingly backfired.

Andrew Neil: I'll be joined later by a frightened hatstand, a woman who quite likes cheese, a wombat who wants to be a pirate ...(incredulously) AND DIANE ABBOTT??!???!!!

Andrew Neil: Well, Diane, it's a pretty bad night for you.

Diane Abbott: No, Andrew, as ever you are wrong.

Andrew Neil: I think it's pretty bad.

Diane Abbott: Only if you look at the numbers Andrew.

Andrew Neil: Hello, Mr Corbyn. How do you feel?

Jeremy Corbyn: I am pretty disappointed.

Andrew Neil: I'm sure you are.

Jeremy Corbyn: I'm so disappointed in the BBC.

Andrew Neil: With the BBC?

Jeremy Corbyn: I'm disappointed in your vicious right-wing bias. What were you thinking? Broadcasting the actual result to the entire country?

Andrew Neil: I can't believe that you...

Jeremy Corbyn: (interrupting) Can I finish? Can I...Can I finish? Can I just say something? Can I say...? Shall I tell you where the BBC first started to go wrong? (Getting angrier and angrier) When they started broadcasting everything I said and did. Diane, hurry up and serenade me with a chorus of 'Oh, Jeremy Corbyn'!

Emily Maitlis: Hello, and welcome to Day Two of the BBC's election coverage. I'm Emily Maitlis. I'm joined now by Arlene Foster.

Arlene Foster: Glad to be here, you bronzed strumpet.

Emily Maitlis: Now, Boris Johnson has got a thumping majority. Surely you agree you don't have any influence anymore?

Arlene Foster: No, that's where you're wrong, you tousle-haired tramp.

Jeremy Corbyn: You have got through to the voicemail of Jeremy Corbyn. I can't come to the phone right now as I am making an extremely long list of all the people responsible for Labour's election defeat who aren't me.

John McDonnell: Look, it was just a bit of banter. Jeremy and I agree on this. The Labour Party manifesto was just banter, not to be taken seriously at all. (Angrily) And luckily no one did.

Chortle

According to the comedy website Chortle, Laurence Howarth, the script writer for Radio 4's Dead Ringers, has conceded (a) that his show may have an inherent anti-Brexit bias [you don't say!], (b) that it does more jokes against Brexit than for it [well, know me down with the late Sir Ken's tickling stick!], and (c) that it has a writers’ room that's "intrinsically partisan" because it has more than its fair share of "typically London-centred, broadly left-wing people", who were also predominantly Remain voters [who'd have guessed?!]...

...but it's all OK really because, being conscious of this inherent, intrinsic bias, they can counteract it, and, "overall", the show doesn't have a point of view, and "a natural balance" emerges between and during sketches. (So there you go: there's nothing to worry about after all!)

And why does Lawrence think there are there more jokes against Brexit than for it? Because "that’s what’s happening" and because "the ones doing Brexit are in power".

Hmm. There's a huge effort to stop Brexit, and plenty of the 'stoppers' are also plum targets for satire. And even if we except his "the ones doing Brexit are in power" argument why exactly does that justify there being more anti-Brexit jokes than pro-Brexit ones? It possibly explains the people targeted for satire, but surely doesn't explain the preponderance of jokes against Brexit itself? Or am I missing something?

Anyhow, here's a joke: Took the shell off my racing snail this weekend. Thought it might speed him up. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

‘Little Englander’ stereotypes

For a systematic analysis of bias in Radio 4 comedy please take a read of Andrew's new piece at News-watch, Dead Ringers clang out their anti-Brexit bias. 

Here's a brief extract:

‘Little Englander’ stereotypes 

The sketches lampooning David Davis and Nigel Farage were predicated on links between anti-EU sentiment and xenophobia, an association repeated regularly on BBC news and entertainment programmes over the last two decades. 

In his Dead Ringers incarnation, David Davis was cast as the ‘Brexit Bulldog’, noting that it was just ‘one year to go till we march up to Johnny Foreigner’, while explaining that he only speaks two languages, ‘English and slightly slower, louder English for when I’m on holidays.’ At one point he referred to an imaginary EU national as ‘Pedro’. 

Similarly, the script for Nigel Farage featured the former UKIP leader referring to an EU border guard as ‘Fritz’, stating that he didn’t ‘bloody well care’ about the Irish, and stating that unless the Brexit issue was sorted he would ‘unleash the kind of hell not seen since my local introduced Peroni on tap’ – the inference that he would dislike the Italian beer on account of its nation of origin.

More Random Thoughts

It's proving very difficult to focus on BBC bias at the moment. The time for posting is proving harder and harder to find, and without the time to do proper research it feels as if I'm dipping in - and I really don't like just dipping in. I like nailing things down, with hundreds and hundreds of nails and twenty varieties of hammer. I feel that only when you listen to every edition of a BBC programmes (like Mark Mardell's The World This Weekend or Dateline London) do you get to appreciate that it is possible to work out how BBC bias actually functions and, with enough time and energy, to prove it.

I've proved it (beyond doubt) to my own satisfaction and, maybe, to yours but why don't I feel that I've proved it beyond anyone's reasonable satisfaction. Why? Because I haven't systematised it enough probably. Timings for every Brexit-related segment showing the massive disparity I know there's been (on both The World This Weekend and Dateline London) between the time given for pro-Brexit voices and anti-Brexit voices would help. Listing every question put would also help. And, yes, counting interruptions would help too. As would focusing analytically on the words used. Anything else? 

Is nailing things down as tightly as possible actually necessary though? Why shouldn't just 'dipping in', saying it how you see it, be enough? Doing so might make more of an impact than timing and counting?

Answer (after blinding flash!): There's room for both. If only there were time for both. Or time for anything really.

******

Yolande Knell

There have been some horrible events in and around Israel in recent days. I've seen some of the BBC reports. One from Alan Johnston - back (to my surprise) as a BBC Middle East editor a decade after his kidnapping by Palestinian terrorists (prompting claims of Stockholm syndrome after his release) - showed violence from Palestinian rioters in Jerusalem and the Israeli response. It contrasted sharply with Yolande Knell's much-broadcast and very gimmicky report which used only images of the Israeli authorities responding (to something) with skunk water, stun grenades, etc, and Yolande (twice, because of the gimmicky repetition) fleeing from their tear gas. No violence was shown from the Palestinians. It was as if Israeli was just using force for no good reason.

The most gruesome event there in recent days has been the murder of members of the Salomon family eating a Sabbath meal in celebration of their newborn grandson in the Israeli settlement of Halamish. The teenage terrorist knocked on their door, they opened it, he began stabbing them, murdering the grandfather, his daughter and son, and injuring the grandmother. The grandchildren were rescued. Not untypically, the human details of the Israeli family and their story, including their names, haven't been included in the BBC's online report of the attack.

This sort of thing raises serious questions about BBC reporting, doesn't it?

******

Meanwhile, down the road in Tel Aviv, Radiohead - ignoring Ken Loach and all manner of other BDS campaigners - performed their longest concert for years this past week. Thom Yorke was typically gnomic but (just as typically) left no doubts about where he stood. "A lot was said about this, but in the end we played some music", he said. (And Radiohead will be back in Israel next year). The BBC's write-up, Radiohead defy critics to play Israel, began like this:

The rest of the article wasn't so bad though.

As Israelis say to all those terrorists who keep trying to slaughter them, "This is what you'll get/This is what you'll get/This is what you'll get/When you mess with us"...

******

And talking of musicians, Daniel Barenboim's anti-Brexit speech at the Proms has drawn a lot of flak, most incisively from Douglas Murray at The Spectator. We know that the BBC were aware in advance of an earlier pro-EU bit of point-scoring by pianist Igor Levit and allowed it to go ahead, so what did they know about Mr. Barenboim's pro-EU speech in advance? What did they say to him about it? And what's coming next? And who's doing the Last Night this years? Maestro Guy Verhofstadt? 

Mr B's two concerts - Sibelius, Birtwistle and Elgar (both symphonies) - were excellent though. I even ended up re-listening to the Birtwistle three times. 

******

Radio 4's Dead Ringers is provoking some comment this series. There's no doubt, from Twitter, as to which new 'character' has been its main talking point. It's chirpy "Brexit Bulldog" David Davis, whose negotiations skills usually end up in his death. (He even ended up in Hell last week). The cartoonish nature of the Brexit Bulldog's self-delusions and self-induced disasters are hard not to laugh at. It's proving popular because it's essentially an old-fashioned comedy routine (despite being put to an anti-Brexit purpose). Is it effective satire? Well, it may be 'fake news' but it might still make Mr Davis a laughing stock with Radio 4 listeners, however representative (or unrepresentative) they are - though I (with hope in my heart) credit many of them with the ability to differentiate Mr Davis from his Dead Ringer caricature. 

That said, Dead Ringers is also presenting us with an impersonation of John McDonnell - another of its new regular characters - and making him out to be a mentally unhinged Marxist who is trying (and failing) to appear cuddly. His every attempt to talk about his allotment turns into a murderous Maoist diatribe against the bourgeoisie. 

******

I'm still, of course, keeping up with Dateline London. I noted the way centre-right commentator Alex Deane (quite superb as ever) was introduced as a "Conservative commentator" while far-left commentator (and Corbyn fan) Rachel Shabi was introduced as a "Middle East expert". That was very flattering to Rachel. If she's really a Middle East expert then I'm hoping to be called 'an expert in loop quantum gravity' some time soon. "Middle East expert" my posterior!

Is BBC Radio 4 comedy getting less biased?

There's a characteristically considered and fair-minded piece by Sarah AB over at Harry's Place discussing "the BBC, the resignation - and comedy Corbyn" which I'd urge you to read when you have a moment. 

She thinks that Labour is "certainly making too much of a meal of this", but doesn't wholly agree with "those scoffing that there was absolutely nothing noteworthy - or irritation-worthy - (from Labour's point of view) about the way the news broke"...

...which is pretty much my position on the matter too.

She's certainly no Corbynista herself, but she also thinks that the BBC could have a bit of an issue with anti-Corbyn bias...

...as does parts of the BBC it seems, from Nick Robinson to the heads of the BBC's Comedy department who told Dame Edna Everage not to make a Corbyn joke unless she also made a Cameron joke. 

It gets even more interesting though...

The most striking part of her piece though concerns the perennial issue of .BBC comedy and BBC bias' (a Jeremy hardy perennial issue you might say): 

We’re rather more used to hearing of Radio 4 comedy’s supposed left wing bias; stalwarts such as Mark Steel and Jeremy Hardy are decidedly to the left, and there are regular grumbles about the cosy left liberal consensus on shows such as The Now Show and The News Quiz.  However a couple of recent programmes certainly demonstrate no pro-Corbyn bias. 

Dead Ringers presented an end of the year edition set in the year 2020.  One sketch presented a programme called ‘Who remembers the Labour Party’, presented by Caroline Aherne (from 13:40). To be fair, this sketch has several targets (we learn that George Osborne revealed his true lizard form in 2018) – and readers may like to go to 16:20 to find out who replaces Corbyn as Labour Party leader. 

A bit sharper, perhaps, was the latest edition of the News Quiz.  This opens with Francis Wheen (a signatory of the Euston Manifesto, incidentally) making fun of the Radio 4 injunction not to single out Corbyn for satire – ‘he’s not as other politicians – he’s the Messiah or something’. Susan Calman and Zoe Lyons are both very scathing about Emily Thornberry’s appointment as Defence Secretary (from 5:00).  Miles Jupp summed up mercilessly:

It really was a thrilling couple of days as a large number of people understudying jobs they’re never going to actually do waited anxiously to find out if they were going to be asked to understudy different jobs that they’re never going to actually do … Corbyn promised a politics that would be more familiar to the lives of everyday working people and he has delivered. The Shadow Cabinet now reflects the lives of everyday Britons incredibly closely, forcing them to work in jobs they never wanted for a boss they openly hate.

We've praised Dead Ringers as 'the exception that proves the rule' here several times before vis a vis 'BBC left-wing comedy' - especially for their hilarious mockery of Ed Miliband and George Galloway (alongside many a popshot at Nigel Farage and David Cameron) - but for The News Quiz to finally break free of its recent unbalanced left-wing ways and embrace a much more even-handed approach to its satirical targeting would be great news indeed. 

I've didn't listen to the last series of The News Quiz but I read a fair few comments at Biased BBC late last year saying that Miles Jupp had brought a marked improvement to the show (on the 'bias' front) after replacing Sandi Toksvig, so this opinion seems to extend across the political spectrum of the blogosphere. 

We'll have to see where this is leading of course.

Will this apparent commitment to increased balance by the makers of BBC Radio 4 Comedy be spread across the board? Will it lead to more varied commissioning (politically-speaking)? Will The Now Show be re-made? Will Marcus Brigstocke be required to bash Jeremy Corbyn and Caroline Lucas as well as Nigel Farage and David Cameron every time he appears on the BBC? And, more tellingly, will be be required to bash political figures from the centre-left (Brownites, Blairites, whatever)?

We live in interesting times -  as that politically correct mayor of Cologne might have said while dressed up as a 'Chinawoman' for carnival recently (much to the astonishment of the BBC's Samira Ahmed):

Why Mo Farah pulled off the triple-double

This week's Dead Ringers was a bit of a dud (no offence), but this bit made me laugh:

Gabby Logan: Mo, a win in your next race could make you the first athlete in history to achieve a triple-double. What's your secret?  

Mo Farah: Well, I've always kept it under my hat but as you asked nicely, miss, I'm happy to reveal my secret to success: I move my legs really fast. 

Gabby Logan: Right, but surely it can't just be that?  

Mo Farah: Well, of course, obviously I don't just move my legs really fast. That would be silly. I also make sure my feet are really fast as well. 

Gabby Logan: Genius. And how do you recover from falling over, like you did in the semi-final?

Mo Farah: You know, it was tough but I always remember what my coach taught me. He said: If you almost fall, just don't and then run really fast to the end.  

Mocking Galloway, and Lyse Doucet

Aww!

And talking of Dead Ringers, their post-election special made me laugh quite a lot. 

They were fairly even in their spread of targets, though the harshest satirical barbs inevitably went against the Conservatives and UKIP. (This is a BBC comedy show after all). And their closing number was clearly a little bit sad about poor Ed. (It even got an 'aww!' from the BBC audience).

Still, here are some of my highlights (i.e. the bits that satirised targets I enjoyed being targeted):

*****

Jim Naughtie:  It's the morning after the election and two things are now clear: David Cameron will be prime minister and voters take great delight in lying their arses off to opinion pollsters. 

*****

Jim Naughtie: It must be a shattered Ed Miliband who joins me now. 

Ed Miliband: Thanks Jim, that's a great question.

Jim Naughtie: I think on behalf of the nation I must say, 'You OK, hun? You look desolate'.

Ed Miliband: What? No, not at all. Why would I be desolate? I did what I set out to do. I proved a few people wrong tonight.

Jim Naughtie: What? But you got trounced in Scotland. It would be easier to find a vegan chippy than a Labour MP. 

Ed Miliband: Exactly. I proved all those people wrong who during the campaign started saying I was good at politics, my milifans trying to turn me into a bigger sex symbol than Poldark, Russell Brand calling on his hipster army to vote for me. Finally I can wear the donkey jacket of Michael Foot.

*****

(Moving music)

Ed Miliband: I want a government for the many not the few.

Voiceover: The campaigning may be over but you can enjoy those golden moments you've loved over and over again with Now That's What I Call an Election 2015. Listen in the gym and add some hope to your work-out.

Ed Miliband: Am I tough enough? Hell, yeah, I'm tough enough!

David Cameron: That really pumps me up. I'm so pumped it right now. Roar!

Voiceover: From the old classics you know and love:

Nick Clegg: I'm sorry about tuition fees.

Voiceover: ...to more recent numbers: 

Nick Clegg: I'm sorry about tuition fees.

Voiceover: ...and all of your new favourites:

Nigel Farage: The UKIP member who made those remarks has been suspended.

Voiceover: With Now That's What I Call an Election 2015 you can sit back and enjoy every second. Sit back and relax to Natalie Bennett's masterful tones:

Natalie Bennett: I...er...I...er...well, I'm sorry, I lost my...(coughs). I'm sorry, could I borrow your inhaler?

Voiceover: Now That's What I Call an Election 2015, available now as a download or as a lethal injection. 

*****

David Dimbleby: You're back with the BBC's election coverage with me, David Dimbleby. Why is it when there's two brothers at the heart of British political life it's always the one called David who's the best one?

Just to update the latest results...The Conservatives have held onto Rutland, Labour has held onto Walthamstow and the Lib Dems have held onto each other as they quietly weep. 

*****

Bradford TV presenter: You're watching Bradford Local Television, bringing you all the Bradford news, straight from Bradford....Bradford, just south of Shipley. Pray silence and make the sign of the Big Brother Eye as we have a visitation from our glorious leader! 

George Galloway: Salamu alaykum. Peace be upon me. To my loyal subjects, it is with great sadness to announce I am to leave you all now. Do not weep excessively, though the sadness you feel is immense. The people of Bradford have sinned greatly, flirting with the accursed democracy, casting me aside for false idols.

Bradford TV presenter: They are not fit to lick the boots of Galloway. All praise unto him, for his fedora is rakishly fashionable!

George Galloway: Your praise is wise but I must sacrifice myself and leave you all. 

Bradford TV presenter: But Galloway, you must not go. You are clear of eye, stout of heart and rampant of libido. It is not too late. We will repent and throw ourselves at your expensive shoes!

George Galloway: It is far too late. I warned you about voting, my disciples. I suggested a caliphate ruling in my name for a thousand years, but the council disdained it in favour of a park-and-ride scheme from the ring road to the railway station. 

Bradford TV presenter: You cannot do this to us. We are unworthy of your greatness, for your eye-bags are large and abundant, your fedora is as black as the heavens and your opponents are irrational women! 

George Galloway: Look upon me one last time, Bradford, for tomorrow there will be a new dawn and the Sofa Palace Crazy Madhouse Sale continues right through the bank holiday weekend. But hurry, it must end soon!

*****

Evan Davis: Hello, and welcome to our Newsnight post-election special with me Evan Davis - sounding constantly mildly surprised on TV since 1997. Joining me on the line at this time of near-apocalyptic chaos and confusion is our foreign correspondent, Lyse Doucet.

Lyse Doucet: Hello Evan.

Evan Davis: Now, you're north of the border, Lyse. Is that why the BBC has drafted you in, because Scotland is about to declare independence?

Lyse Doucet: No, Evan, the BBC gave me the title 'foreign correspondent' simply because my accent is an amalgam of every other accent in the world. 

"Galloway, be praised!"

Dead Ringers is another of those BBC exceptions which proves the rule. 

That it is an exception is perhaps proved by the fact that I actually find it quite funny - which for a Radio 4 comedy that isn't I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue is pretty rare.

Here are my favourite bits from this week's edition:

Evan Davis: Hello, and welcome to the exclusive leaders' interviews here on the BBC. I know Paxman's already interviewed the leaders on prime time TV but I like to do everything Jeremy Paxman does, only two months later. I'm joined by Ed Miliband. Hello.

Ed Miliband: Thanks Evan. That's a great question. 

************************* 

Neil Nunes: BBC Radio 4. And now 'Book of the Week' and Prince Charles reads from his collection of 'black spider' letters. This week, 'Hospitals'...

HRH Prince Charles: Dear Minister for Health, I must complain in the strongest possible terms about the spending cuts to the NHS. I've visited many hospitals in my time and I've noticed simple ways of saving money. For example, why not dispense with the expensive red carpet that seems to be outside every hospital I've ever been to? Apart from anything, they're a trip-hazard. I just don't understand. And why on earth waste money painting hospitals quite so often? There's a constant smell of fresh paint wherever I go. I say to Camilla, who's in charge of their decorating budget, bloody Fergie? And surely the staff need to work harder. Every hospital I've been to, people simply wait around, grinning and waving. I want to shout, "Get back to work, you lazy bastards!", but Camilla doesn't think it would be a terribly good idea. Not once do these grinning fools ever ask about the boil on my back. I've had it fifty years now and it's impossible to get treatment despite visiting three hospitals a week. Why the hell do they think I keep coming in? Yours, HRH, Charles.

************************** 

Bradford local TV presenter: You're watching Bradford Local Television, bringing you all the news straight from Bradford...Bradford, quite near Leeds...Be upstanding and make the sign of the Big Brother Eye and prepare for a message from our glorious leader...

George Galloway: Salamu alaykum. Peace be upon me. To my loyal subjects, I wish you all a long and fruitful life. May the dove of happiness flutter over your house and go off to crap on the State of Israel. I have come amongst you because I have discovered something vile, something repulsive, something sickening - a rottening stench corrupting our precious city. This: 

Bradford local TV presenter: A voting card! Galloway, protect me!

George Galloway: Once again, our city comes under the threat of democracy.

Bradford local TV presenter: Galloway, be praised! - for his head is shiny like the sun, his beard is long and lustrous and his Jaguar car is without scratches!

George Galloway: That is why I say to my people tonight, enough is enough. Democracy will not be allowed to spread its tentacles into Bradford. So from midnight tonight I am declaring Bradford an independent state. (Canned applause). Thank you, my people for that spontaneous outpouring of joy. As per my announcement, we will drive out the settlers who have entered our land, who have taken our precious resources - settlers from Rochdale, Huddersfield and North Halifax. And to keep the tribes of Bradford pure, men will now, by law, have to have arranged marriages with women born within the A6177. 

Bradford local TV presenter: Praise be the Bradford ring road! 

George Galloway: We will throw off the yoke of the oppressor to create a utopia in my image which will last a thousand years. Oh, and remember, if you are looking for a new carpet or underlay, Dedma Carpets on the Oodley Road, crazy madhouse sale continues right through this bank holiday weekend.

Back-from-the-dead Ringers

Dead Ringers is a Radio 4 institution - though it's one that seemed to die a natural death a few years ago, after the Blair-Brown government passed into history.

Its humour always combined something of the lightness of Blair [minus the wars] with the great clunking fist of Brown, so its revival a year ago seemed somewhat out-of-its-time.

Yet it still makes me chortle...sporadically. 

It's back again for the election. 

Alan at Biased BBC isn't a fan. His point - that the cruelest satire on this week's edition, including imputations of racism and wrongdoing, was directed at the Tories and UKIP - seems to me to be undeniably true.

Yes, Ed's a geek who talks in PR-speak, Leanne's a Welsh schoolgirl selfie-ing herself whilst appearing with the big party politicians, Nicola's a Scots nationalist forever bemoaning the fate of Robert the Bruce and Braveheart, Nick was 'tricked' into being a coalition deputy prime minister, and Natalie's...er...well, there were no jokes about Natalie...but it's wicked Michael Fallon of the Tories (detailing his expenses claims for daring to be mean to Ed), David Cameron and UKIP candidates (and, oh, 'for balance', Tony Blair) who were made the butt of the most biting satire.

That's Radio 4 comedy for you. And it's the way things will always be, regardless of whether Labour or the Conservatives are heading the government. It's just the way things are. Praise be!

The impressions are (as Alan also says) not exactly lifelike for the most part. They haven't got any of the party leaders off to a tee - except for Ed Miliband, who is more Ed Miliband than Ed Miliband, so to speak.

Still, the UKIP candidates bit was quite funny (and made Nigel sound put-upon) and the Ed Miliband bit made me laugh out loud.

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: So Ed, here's a boring politics question my producer wants me to ask: Since the leaders' debate, many have suggested that your excessive PR training has left you unable to conduct a normal conversation. Is this a fair accusation?

Ed Miliband: Well, look, Tina, I'm glad you asked me that. Look into camera. Erm...what I want to say to the people at home is, look, this election is a once in a lifetime choice - a choice between the haves and the have-nots, the nots and the not-nows, the nows and the that's-what-I-call-musics. And getting that message across to you guys at home is important. That's why my PR advisors told me to come on this show, to casually fling my jacket over my shoulder, put my hand in my pocket, look to camera and say, 'Hell, yeah'. 

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: Yeah, yeah, great, whatever, but, erm, what our listeners really want to know is, do you like Sam Smith? 

Ed Miliband: Tina, I'm glad you asked me that. All I want to say to the people at home is I'm so cool I've even taken my tie off. You'll never guess what - I've got headphones on! Beats by Dr Dre. I've got my cap on backwards and the tops of my underpants are visible. I'm cool now. I even use curse words like 'hell' and 'gosh' and 'darn' and 'winkle'. 

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: Great stuff, Ed. You've been banging on for absolutely ages without saying anything meaningful whatsoever. That reminds me, coming up at 6pm, Fearne Cotton. But just before you go, a couple of quick-fire questions, Ed. Cheese or biscuits?

Ed Miliband: Tina, I'm glad you asked me that. What I want to say to the people at home...

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: Quick-fire, Ed. Cats or dogs?

Ed Miliband: Tina, I'm glad you asked me that. All I can say to the people at home...

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: Just a quick one-word answer: Cars or bikes? 

Ed Miliband: Well, Tina, I'm glad you asked me that. What I want to...

Tina, Radio 1 Newsbeat: One word!

Ed Miliband: WellIdon'tknowwhatI'msupposedtobedoinganymore... But, look, I'm just an ordinary weirdo and I just know that as soon as I say something strange like 'Hobnob capitalist snorkel' that in ten seconds it will be some sort of internet sensation and everyone will be laughing at me.

But will they if you're PM, Ed? Will anyone be laughing then?

The one where Ed Miliband makes a prat of himself

With nothing much going on in the world at the moment, I think I can safely sneak in another frivolous post in anticipation of another delightful week. 

It has to be said that my own jokes at 'Is' this past week have been little better than Marcus Brigstocke's. 

[Exhibit A, this joke from last Wednesday: "Q. What do you get if you cross Jon Donnison with a camel? A. A biased reporter'". 

[Can you believe I actually received a tweet from Jeremy Bowen complaining, in less than 140 characters, that he should have been the punchline of that joke. So much for BBC collegiality, eh?].

Still, who needs me and Marcus when you've got I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, broadcast this week from (the Holy City of Karbala) Bradford?

A visit to Bradford's fine museum will reveal that the early history of the city is inextricably tied up with wool, so you can't read it. 

The Brontes were the 19th Century literary family from the nearby village of Haworth. Most famous is Emily, who wrote 'Wuthering Heights', with the other Bronte sisters, Charlotte and Anne, providing backing vocals. 

Their brother was called Bramwell, which was his mother's maiden name. He later changed it after his bank account was cleaned out by someone who guessed his security question.

There are many diverse products that originated in Yorkshire. The drug Prozac was developed here when clinical trials raised volunteers' spirits to a euphoric level of mild grumpiness. 

And coming from Tadcaster, John Smith's Bitter. And who can blame him?

The area known as Little Germany is of particular historical and architectural in central Bradford. The name comes from the German cloth merchants who arrived in the 19th Century. But the area is best known now for its budget stores. However, the people of Little Germany like to keep up traditions and every September they invade Poundland. 

The city is rightly proud of its rugby league team, known as Bradford Bulls, who did pretty well in Europe until they came up against Malaga Matadors, when they were slaughtered. 

During the 1990s West Yorkshire Police launched a campaign to rid Bradford of organised crime. Within a year the number of serious crimes had reduced by half and West Yorkshire Police celebrated by taking a week off. At which point the other half stopped.

And we are today guests of Bradford's fine Victorian theatre, St. George's Hall. It was constructed by the same architect who build London's Apollo Theatre. The Apollo's ceiling famously collapsed last year - a disaster which was discovered to have been caused by old, weak material...so protect your heads as I say, let's meet the teams!

Read and learn, Marcus. Read and learn. 

We even heard the latest about the programme's lovely scorer, Samantha. (Yes, she's still there, thank goodness).

Samantha has to leave now as she's off to meet her zoo-keeper gentleman friend. He's a bit of an expert with monkeys but occasionally has trouble with them when they get out of their pen. Samantha says he was delighted last week to see her as she arrived just in time to help him beat one off behind the penguin house.

Another old Radio 4 comedy favourite returned after a long absence this week. No, not Libya. Yes, Dead Ringers was back after seven years (or after seven hours if you'd been listening to Radio 4 Extra).

Jon Culshaw clearly wasn't going to let William Hague's atrocious timing (leaving office just before the programme's return) get in the way of him doing his trademark William Hague impression, and Jan Ravens was still doing all the women, and Diane Abbott.

No one on the team can really do Nigel Farage or Nick Clegg yet, and no one even tried doing David Cameron (said to be very tricky to impersonate well. Not even he can quite manage it), but someone did do a decent Ed Miliband impersonation:

Jim Naughtie: Now, Mr Miliband, you have also unveiled plans that, should you become prime minister, you will go round the country answering questions from the public. How will you resist resorting to rambling disjointed soundbites?

Ed Miliband: Well, Jim, I'm leave disjointed soundbites to other people. Let me say this. Look, the government is in a race to the bottom and that is a status quo I do not accept. There is a squeezed middle out there sandwiched by debt and the cost of living. And when I go on the doorstep I find that people up and down the country say to me, 'Look, we need a fair shot', and I believe passionately that I listen to them.

Hopefully, next week's edition will tackle Ed's opportunistic party political point-scoring over Gaza. The Graudinad quotes him as saying:

Look, today isn't the day for playing party politics. You can trust me, you can trust the Labour Party, not to play party politics with issues as important as this.

David Cameron and the Tories are wrong over Gaza.

I will be completely honest with you and say, look, yes, there is a squeezed middle out there and David Cameron is failing to help them. He should be playing a leading role in the efforts to secure peace. He should fly to Gaza and personally take out Hamas. Hamas are predators not producers. 

But the prime minister is also wrong not to have jumped on the bandwagon in opposing Israel's incursion into Gaza. His refusal to jump on that bandwagon will be inexplicable to people across Britain and internationally. I am proud to say that I, on behalf of the Labour Party, am fully committed to jumping on that bandwagon. I believe passionately that it's no use prevaricating about the bush. 

(Marcus Brigstocke is free to borrow that for next week's The Brig Society).