Saturday 5 January 2019

Winnie-the-Racist (A Satire)

Fans of Winnie-the-Pooh will be delighted to hear that the BBC is bringing its CGI magic to bear (oh yes!) on the first volume of AA Milne's stories, Winnie-the-Pooh. 

The series will be broadcast on BBC One, beginning on April 1st. 

Sue and I were invited by Big Mike from BBC Trending to wendle along and attend an advanced viewing of Episode Seven, based on Chapter Seven of the book, 'In which Kanga and baby Roo come to the forest, and Piglet has a bath'. 

In it we see how asylum seekers Kanga (a single mother) and baby Roo, having sailed in a tiny dinghy all the way from darkest Australia, are initially treated with suspicion and hostility by the prejudiced inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood. 

The character of Rabbit, who leads the campaign against them, is in this BBC adaptation dressed in a black-collared, tanned-coloured coat which goes down to his furry knees, from behind which his fluffy white tail stands up.

Big Mike from the BBC whispered to me that Nigel Farage is famous for wearing such a coat, and that it's called a 'covert coat'. "Aha!", I replied. 

But, to huge applause from the mainly BBC audience, the plucky pouch-sporting migrants outsmart the dim-witted locals and, in the process, win them over - except for Rabbit, who flounces off in the direction of Watership Down. 

(A curious thing re Rabbit, famous for his many, many "friends-and-relations", is how diverse his many, many "friends-and-relations" are in this new BBC adaptation.)  

Meanwhile, Piglet, after being scrubbed clean in a prank by Kanga, learns a valuable lesson about skin colour and racism. And Eeyore, voiced by Alastair Campbell, is depressed about Brexit. 

And Big Mike from BBC Trending also let slip that Episode Eight, 'In Which Christopher Robin Leads an Expotition to the North Pole', will be about the effects of man-made global warming on polar ice and sea levels, and that this will be followed by Episode Nine, 'In Which Piglet is Entirely Surrounded by Water', concerning a recent incident of localised flooding in the Hundred Acre Wood, which will hammer the point home.

And the little boy at the centre of the story, Christopher Robin, will be shown wearing a dress, putting (vegan) voodoo pins into her/his Katie Hopkins doll, and calling herself/himself Chrissie Robyn. 

You couldn't make it up! And even if you could, the BBC would probably soon outstrip you and make parody seem bland in comparison!

1 comment:

  1. Be careful Craig. I can see you being given a 'golden hello' into the BBC scriptwriting team with imaginative storylines such as this.


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