Bottoms up!

Do you know who I'd really like a night-out with?

Yes, Panorama/Newsnight star reporter John Sweeney.

He sounds great fun.

I'd specifically like to be his all-expenses-paid-for guest. Especially given that I'm a tightfisted white Northern working class bloke who literally likes to eat BBC journalists for breakfast.

Yes, yes, I know it's wrong to live it up at BBC licence-fee payers' expense, but as most people hereabouts say that they don't pay the licence fee I'm sure that they (you?) will forgive me if ever Big Freelance John Sweeney of the BBC invites me to share some champagne, double gin, lots of bottles of red wine, brandy, a few lemoncellos [or is that lemoncelli?], a glass or two of Creme de Cassis, and oodles and oodles of Kir royale - particularly if it's at the expense of those daft BBC-licence-fee-paying suckers.

The following video (if it doesn't get deleted) is an absolute delight. 

Yes, its voyeuristic, and I must admit that I'm not wholly adverse to seeing BBC star reporter John Sweeney getting tipsy and slurring his words as he spreads his peacock's tail to impress a woman.

There but for the grace of God, etc...

But seriously, this must be excruciatingly embarrassing for him.

And just as much for the BBC.

For yes:

Shamelessly, and knowingly, flaunting a sense of wild f***-it abandon regarding BBC expenses by going massively OTT on buying lots of pricey alcoholic drinks at licence-fee payers' expense probably isn't a good look.

Though, of course, he may have had a biased political ulterior motive behind that spreading of his boozy, pricey peacock's tail to that particular lady.

(Hmm, what could that possibly be for his 'Tommy Takedown' programme? Scratches head, like Nigel Bruce's Dr Watson? Where's Sherlock Holmes when you need him? Holmes? Holmes?)

But if everyone's a raving alcoholic like me, the nation will forgive John and keep on paying the licence fee. We alcoholics will forgive anything.

Anyhow, here's the video (and it features some another bloke as well. You may have heard of him):

********

And, just in case the video does get sent down the memory hole, here's a transcript of what John Sweeney said:

...which is the Champagne and the double gin. And then we're going to have some red wine - but we can panic about that at the appropriate moment!

Here I am on expenses in the boozer, with a dog and a fire... 

I think we should have one more bottle of wine. 

F*ck it. No expense spared! Two brandies, two lemoncellos. 

Urm. this is Creme de Cassis. Er, urm, the Kir royale. Even better is another version which is, urm, er, blackberry. Blackberrent (sic, hic) liqueur and Champagne. Kir royale. How you got any flaming Sambuca? And then two Kir royale. And then the bill. 

Lovely, thank you. Er, thank you very much. 

Er, I think we gotta do a runner. 

Er, it's a joke. It's fine. I don't care. Not only, I really don't care. 

Erm, is service included? So make it £220.