Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Chicken Kiev, the BBC and Russia



My goodness, last night's Newsnight was quite something. 

Especially remarkable was the tone it adopted over the Russia-Ukraine conflict - particularly during Emily Maitlis's interview with the newly-appointed Ukrainian interim economic minister, Pavlo Sheremeta.

Mr Sheremeta (who seems a reasonable sort of chap, unaffiliated to any party) told her that the only way forward is for Ukraine to remain calm, try to understand Russia's objections, and de-escalate the conflict through purely peaceful means. 

Again and again, in response, Emily asked Mr Sheremeta about why Ukrainian forces have failed to respond so far. ("So Russia is ON your military bases. Do you call THAT negotiation?", "How far will you let Russia go before YOU take action?", "Let me just clarify then. It sounds from what you're saying, like you are ruling out any kind of military response to what is going on there now. Is that right?").

What was peculiar though was her use of an incredulous tone of voice whilst putting those questions to Mr Sheremeta. 

That incredulous tone felt completely misjudged to me. 

And it was more than just incredulous. It sounded almost gung-ho, as if Emily Matlis were Mrs Doyle from Father Ted saying "Go on, go on, go on, go on..." to the reluctant Ukrainian government minister. (We can only be grateful that she didn't start going, "bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk", and flapping her arms around like a chicken.)

This wasn't very responsible interviewing, in my opinion. 


And that wasn't Emily Maitlis's only dogged pursuit of an angle in this section of last night' Newsnight. 

Emily was also keen to pursue the story of the accidental breach of security outside Downing Street yesterday, when a document was glimpsed (by eagle-eyed cameramen) showing that Britain rules out military action and tough financial sanctions against Russia. 

She pursued it with both Mark Urban and Senator John McCain, and in the case of Senator McCain, seemed very clearly to be fishing for criticism of the British government. ("How do you respond then to Western powers who will rule out military engagement or, indeed, tough financial sanctions?", "Tonight we saw documents from the UK government, inadvertently, showing they were not for now supporting trade sanctions or closing the financial centre to Russians. Is that the right approach?").

Senator McCain described himself as "disappointed".

Let's move on.

Senator McCain (unlike the always level-headed Mark Urban) is gung-ho for action against Russia, and the other guest who was due to appear on the programme, John Bolton, takes a very similar line to Mr McCain on the present situation...

...so it was probably a good thing then that Mr Bolton bolted just before the interview began (due to a prior engagement), or we would have heard the same views twice.

John Bolton has long been one of Newsnight's go-to men. He's their 'robust U.S. right-winger of choice'. 

His near-presence took me back to the days of the Iraq War, when he'd play the part of the 'bad guy' in Newsnight discussion after Newsnight discussion, set against the BBC's 'good guy', Sir Ming Campbell. 


Sir Ming used to be on the BBC so often during the Iraq War that it's long been rumoured that he used to have his own bed in the Newsnight studio. (Clare Short was said to have used the same bed too - though not at the same time.) 

As there's war afoot, Sir Ming was Newsnight's natural first choice for a British guest. The call duly went in. Had Mr Bolton stayed put, they would have both been reunited. Which would have been super.

Naturally, Sir Ming doesn't like Putin one bit, but he was up against Newsnight's 'robust Russian right-winger of choice', Alexander Nekrassov - and Mr Nekrassov (a former Yeltsin advisor) has (from what I've seen of him) become more and more pro-Putin as time passes. 

And he's becoming something of a fixture on Newsnight too. (Being a keen tweeter himself, he'll doubtless appreciate the fact that the liberal Twitterati seem to have a collective nervous breakdown every time he appears).

There's no prizes for guessing who Emily Maitlis went after here. And strongly too.

Yes, Alexander Nekrassov got all of the disapproving challenges while Sir Ming was allowed to do his thing in piece (with one half-hearted devil's advocate question being asked, for 'balance'.)

Bad, bad Russia! - that sums up the tenor of Emily's questioning here.

Which leads me to reflect...(and please tell me if you think I'm talking nonsense!)...

People like me, thirty years ago, would often accuse elements at the BBC of being 'soft' on the Soviet Union - a 'softness' that stood in sharp contrast to the corporation's strenuous questioning of U.S. foreign policy back then. Some of us felt that the possible cause of that display of 'understanding' towards our enemy in the Cold War might have had its roots in the BBC's left-wing bias.


Nowadays, things could hardly be more different. It's as if the world has spun around 180 degrees. 

Now it's Russian spokesmen who are grilled by BBC interviewers and U.S. politicians (at least since the Obama administration came to power) who get the easier ride.

This tendency seems to have become a full-blown bias in the last few years. 

Whether it be over gay rights, or Greenpeace, or Pussy Riot, or its policy towards Syria, the BBC seems to have become openly hostile to the Russian government in a way which would have been unthinkable in the days of the old U.S.S.R.

I remember - and I now regret not blogging about it - a remarkable Newsnight debate last year based around Stephen Fry's calls for a boycott of the Sochi Olympics over Russia's new anti-gay laws. 

There were four guests - three anti-Putin and one pro-Putin. Kirsty Wark gave just one of them a hard time: the pro-Putin guest, our friend Alexander Nekrassov. So much so, that the debate became 'four against one', and it was perfectly clear where Kirsty's sympathies lay.

And, at around the same time, I recall both Paddy O'Connell and Eddie Mair giving Russian spokesmen a real going-over (Paddy hotly, Eddie icily) over the same issue - gay rights. (Alas, neither interview is available to 'listen again' now). 


There's, of course, a good case to be made that BBC interviewers should give pro-Putin spokesmen a severe grilling, especially over issues of human rights and - above all - if Russia is invading another country, IF those interviewers keep their own emotions and biases from becoming too evident during the interview [if we're sticking to the BBC's own take on 'impartiality', that is], but it does strike me as interesting that there really does seem to be a strong emotional bias against Putin's Russia on display at the BBC at the moment. 'Putinism' seems to offend them.

Do you agree?

Putin's calculating claim to be the leader of world conservatism last year, his outwitting of Obama over war in Syria (a war most people dreaded), his utter lack of political correctness, his machismo, his heavy-handedness with Greenpeace, all these things (and many more) seem to be winning him hordes of admirers (or half-admirers) across the right-leaning ends of the webosphere.

Whenever I read the comments at The Telegraph, The Spectator, The Daily Mail, Biased BBC, etc, I'm struck by the sheer width (if not depth) of such support for the Russian leader. (There are, of course, plenty of exceptions too).

That being the case, it's hardly surprising to find the largely left-leaning (or, at the very least, firmly non-right-leaning) BBC recoiling in horror at Putin and everything he stands for (or pretends to stand for).

The current crisis in Ukraine is raising tensions across the right-leaning webosphere though. Some are aghast that so many right-wing commenters are actively backing Putin's military intervention in Ukraine. (And something similar seems to be going on on the Left too.)

At this point I should tell you where I stand [as, on the blogosphere, everyone must have an opinon] but, frankly, I'm all over the place on this. The world is becoming a very confusing place.


A few years back, I was appalled at Putin's canny filleting of Georgia and its nice pro-Western president. Then it transpired that my black and white views were probably misguided. That nice president turned out to be corrupt and authoritarian and unpopular (albeit full of redeeming contradictions too), and maybe the people in the break-away regions (who Putin so cleverly exploited) did have some legitimate grievances at the way the Georgians had treated them after all.

That taught me a lesson.

Today's situation in Ukraine has parallels. It's 'shades of grey' all the way, and I feel deeply conflicted about it.

On the one hand, it's a case of Ukrainians (many right-leaning) crying out for democracy and probity in public office against a corrupt post-Soviet (former) president with a strong air of stupidity, venality and brutality about him, who imprisoned opposition leaders and grew increasing undemocratic, then rising up against him and being killed (in some numbers) by brutal state security forces, before eventually triumphing.

It's like 1989 all over again (and I loved 1989).

The Russian invasion is, therefore, a case of The Empire Striking Back, and Putin's claims that the new government is 'fascist' and anti-Semitic are clearly a calculated exaggeration.

Plus, and probably not incidentally, 'Russians invading places' is a concept I've spent decades holding to be, self-evidently, 'a bad thing', and the former KGB-man obviously also has a keen interest in permanently securing Russia's naval base in Crimea (especially given the closing of his 'Syria option') and keeping Ukraine tied into his energy policy.


On the other hand, those far-right, anti-Semites who spearheaded the violence against the Yanukovych government, and forced it out, do exist.

Despite Edward Lucas of The Economist's suggestion (can't remember where I read it) that such elements might be a Putin false flag, I've seen that Gabriel Gatehouse (BBC) report showing that such people really do exist (in some numbers) and I've followed Harry's Place (like Sue) enough to know that the nationalist Svoboda party does contain anti-Semites, and it now holds four government seats (including the defence ministry). I'm not comfortable with that. Svoboda (like Hungary's Jobbik) isn't just a Russian false flag. Such people exist, and there are more and more of them around.

Plus the new government did rise up against a democratically-elected government and then immediately passed (without any democratic mandate) a law restricting the use of the Russian language. Putin (and his people) might well regard that in an unfavourable light.

Shades of grey everywhere, eh? (And probably more than fifty of them).

tl;dr too, eh?

Laura K and White Dee



Most of last night's Newsnight was given over to events in Ukraine [see previous post.] 

(That's understandable, though why they completely failed to report the snake-eats-crocodile story which has gripped the entire world remains an unfathomable decision!)

What else did they cover though? Well, three other stories.

First came an interview between Laura Kuenssberg and Michael Gove. 

Now, I'm biased about Michael Gove. I like him, and I like what he's seeking to do. [Yes, yet another of my opinions! That's two in one day. If I continue like this I'll have to start up a side-blog called A Convoluted Gossamer Construction.] 

And, yes, I enjoyed this interview too. 

But it was certainly an odd one. 

On my (very) old blog, which was even meaner about the BBC than this one, I gave over an entire post to praising Laura Kuenssberg's presentation of an episode of Radio 4's Westminster Hour. (Such posts were rare).

I called her a breath of fresh air (in contrast to Carolyn Quinn and Norman Smith).

But part of Laura's success back then was than she was new to that kind of interviewing and, oddly, five years later, even after her stint at ITV, Laura's interviewing style still remains strangely 'unformed' - 'stilted' and 'stagy', you might say - and un-BBC-like.

But it works. And I still wish others BBC interviews would learn from it.


That old post of mine included some 'rules for impartial interviewing', which I'd completely forgotten about. 

Among them were: 
Only interrupt an interviewee if they are taking an excessive amount of time to answer the question, or if they are not answering the question you put to them (though give them enough time before jumping to that conclusion).
Remember that the interview is not about you. It's about the issue/story of the moment, and the views of your interviewees. Maintain a firm but low-key hand on the tiller of the interview. Allow it to flow. Never be a prima dona. 
That's how Laura interviewed Michael Gove here.

Ah, but...I can hear Sue reminding me about Laura's interruption-strewn, Paxmanesque interview with Hattie Harman last week. Nothing 'low-key' about her interviewing style there?

True, but....er...oh....er....

OK. Even though she's not said anything to me about this yet, I'm going to concede that point to Sue in advance of her even making it (or possibly even thinking it!)

Shuffling my papers and moving on...


Next came a thoroughly BBC-like interview from Emily Maitlis with Deirdre Kelly, ''White Dee'' of Channel 4's Benefits Street. 

Newsnight has been unhealthily obsessing about the Channel 4 hit show ever since it began, so it was hardly surprising (if a bit depressing) to see then still refusing to let go of this bone of theirs, even after all this time. 

The interview itself was even more depressing, and the problem didn't lie with Deirdre.

It lay with Emily Maitlis, who used the first half of the interview to conduct a show-trial-in-absentia of Channel 4. 

Her line of question led...yes led...Deirdre into condemning the makers of Benefits Street in every way possible. 

It was so blatant. Emily's agenda here couldn't have been more blatant: To re-make the prosecution case against Channel 4 and get White Dee to damn them out of her own mouth. 

OK, Mr Katz, we've got the message. You don't approve of Benefits Street. [And why should you? It got MILLIONS more viewers than you could ever dream of getting after all, and that's gotta hurt!].

Finally, Laura returned with some 'breaking news', courtesy of the front page of this morning's Daily Mail, telling Emily that a key Cameron advisor has been arrested over allegations of watching child porn. 


Given that the BBC had been accused of waiting six days to report the Mail's allegations about Hattie, Jack and Tess (of the Labour Party) and refusing to even show the Mail's front pages for days (which is true), some have protested that this was a clear case of BBC bias, with the corporation leaping at the story of a Tory advisor being linked to paedophilia (still very much allegedly), "like a rat up a drainpipe". 

I saw that accusation of BBC bias at Biased BBC, and could see the point being made...

...until I thought about it for a few seconds. 

The arrest of a Downing Street advisor, particularly of these kinds of allegation, is big news. Unquestionably, It's an arrest by the police, not merely a newspaper's allegations. Newsnight was obviously right to report it and credit, though they did it briefly and cautiously (which is also right).

Plus I was a bit peeved at the B-BBC commenter's claims that "gone was the lack of curiosity that [Newsnight] ably displayed about Harman & co a week ago".

Given Newsnight's extensive coverage of the story last week - including Laura K's grilling of Harriet Harman and Laura's subsequent investigation into the NCCL's archives - this is grossly unfair.

Still, taking this post and the last into consideration, I'm going to give Laura Kuenssberg credit for being a breath of fresh air, and Emily Maitlis the Ignobel Prize for being stuck in a biased BBC rut, seemingly following 'the hive mind' without a thought of her own. 

Monday, 3 March 2014

In the Psychiatrist's Chair



As Sue has mentioned before, I've got a real phobia about watching BBC One's The Big Questions. 

Even the mere thought of watching the thing results in unsteadiness, dizziness and lightheadedness, as well as nausea, sweating, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, trembling and an upset stomach.

Still, after years of counselling, I've finally felt strong enough emotionally to force myself to watch the closing segment of this week's edition. 

All that counselling helped me to see that I was conjuring up nothing but morbid fantasies about the programme.

It could be watched, and I could survive the experience.

During my sessions, I was asked to imagine a purely hypothetical edition of The Big Questions - an edition which would focus on the kinds of question that interest me. 

My psychiatrist [who bears an uncanny resemblance to Tracey Ullman] asked me to think of a specific 'big question' and, after days of thought, I came up with: "Are Bible stories the way to teach morality?" 

That's the sort of topic I love hearing discussed. 

She then asked me to confront my fears and spell out my nightmare vision - my worst fears about what such an edition of The Big Questions would actually be like. 

Heart pounding, sweat trickling down my brow, I began......

I said I thought such a programme might begin with some middle-aged Christian man who believes literally in Biblical accounts of, say, the Flood and Noah's Ark.

I imagined him being mocked by Nicky Campbell. 

My imagination running wild, I even imagined the poor man being made to pick up a puppet of Jesus and stick his hand up it, live on national TV.

I also imagined him being laughed at by the studio audience.

Just prior to my main counselling session, I'd been reading Sue's posts about the Jesus and Mo t-shirt scandal, provoked by The Big Questions's refusal to show a close-up of a harmless, Mohammed-lookalike-depicting cartoon [for fear of offending the most easily offended people on the planet.]

So - probably as a result of that - my nightmare vision invented the image of Nicky Campbell quipping, in response to that puppet of Jesus, "If you've got puppets of any other prophets, could you kindly not show them!" - as if the Maajid Nawaz affair (complete with its death threats against Maajid) was little more than a joke, and (even more) as if NOT showing them [and NOT offending the most easily offended people on the planet] remains the right-and-proper thing for the BBC to do, in spite of Maajid Nawaz's bravery. [It's surely coming to something when someone tweeting a picture of someone else wearing a t-shirt is felt to be 'brave', isn't it?]


My psychiatrist said that this was good, specific stuff and asked me to imagine what might happen next in my irrational, hypothetical, nightmare vision of The Big Questions. 

I replied that Nicky Campbell would probably turn to Andrew Copson of the British Humanist Society.

My psychiatrist exclaimed that this was a surprisingly specific answer, to which I replied [slightly exaggerating] that the BBC always (without fail) turns to someone from the British Humanist Society at this point in any such programme - and that it's usually Andrew.

"In such a programme," she asked at this point, "do you see Nicky Campbell mocking Andrew Copson in the way he mocked the conservative Christian, or not?" 

"No," I replied. "I see Nicky being much less cruel to Andrew Copson".

"OK. Are you imagining a studio audience here?", she asked, "and - if so - how do you imagine them?"

"I imagine them laughing and clapping at every snarky remark about Christian belief," I  replied.

"OK. And you described the way Nicky Campbell treated one guest - the 'conservative Christian type', as you called him - in (as you saw it) a different, more harsh way to the way Nicky treated Andrew Copson", she said. "Would you see Nicky Campbell continuing to behave like that as the discussion went on?"

"Yes", I replied. "I would. And I think his biases would lead him to ask loads more questions snarking away at Bible stories rather than asking a balanced set of questions...er...except, perhaps, if some atheist type 'dissed' the 'camel passing through the eye of a needle' or The Sermon on the Mount or 'do unto others', or something nice like that".

"You keep using the word 'snarking'. Why?"

"Yes," I said. "I mean it in contrast to thoughtful, intelligent, generous questioning".

"Have you considered that snarky, confrontational questions might be a good way of provoking interesting answers, and that BBC One debates aren't like those on Radio 4, and that they need spicing up, need lots of heat, to keep up ratings?", she asked.

"Well, yes, I can see some truth in both those points," I replied, sipping on a cup of tea, feeling faintly abashed.


"Is there anyone else you feel the BBC would 'inevitably' - as you put it - invite onto this programme...in your nightmarish, worst-case-scenario vision of The Big Questions?", came my Tracey Ullman-lookalike psychiatrist's next question.

"There'd have to a loud-mouthed Muslim or some proudly ethnic black man to tick the BBC's diversity box...",  I began

"Are you sure you're not being racist there?", she said gently,  "But, no, carry on...",

"And there'd have to be a BBC Thought for the Day-type liberal Anglican, for sure," came my reply. "Someone like Christina Rees. It's usually Christina Rees". (Alas, she'd never heard of Christina Rees.) "She always say lots of trendy, lefty, middle-of-the-road Anglican things. The sort of things that even secular, doubting BBC Thomases [like Nicky] don't mind..."

"And how do you see Nicky Campbell treating her?"

"Well," I said, "by saying things like 'yeah' or 'Wonderful!' to her every pious, liberal bromide".

(I will admit that I was starting to feel sick at the mere thought of it here.)

"Now, Craig, please relax. Please breathe...Imagine an animal. What animal does this hypothetical edition of The Big Questions make you think of? Just take your time", she said.

I didn't take any time whatsoever to reply. I said, "A bear...as in a bearpit...Oh, and a lion, as in the Christians being thrown into the lion's den....Or cocks, as in cock-fighting, with everyone shouting at each other, and jeering, and applauding wildly when liberal voices say something liberal - especially if they're an ethnic minority member of the audience".

I became lightheaded at the thought of all this, and paused to take several further deep breaths.  

"But, from what you've told me before in our previous sessions," she then asked, "you're an atheist too who is likely to share many of the views of Andrew Copson. So why does the ill-treatment of 'conservative Christians', fundamentalists, bother you so much?"


"Well," I replied, "I respect their views even if I don't share them and I don't like to see BBC presenters holding them up to ridicule, and coming back to them, again and again, and badgering them relentlessly, in a way that smacks of bullying. (As the Golden Rule in the Bible says, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.') Even if the man being bullied holds absurd, fundamentalist views, it still feels deeply wrong to me to publicly hold him up to contempt - especially if he's a sincere, essentially decent and perfectly harmless man who [and, evidently, certainly not the kind of man to strap bombs round himself and blow himself up (for his faith's sake) on a crowded bus, or on an underground train] just happens to hold deeply unfashionable views. There's something truly unpleasant about seeing such a person placed (metaphorically-speaking) in the stocks by a BBC presenter on live TV. Don't you agree?"

My psychiatrist replied that it's not her role to offer an opinion, and that she's as impartial as a BBC reporter...

...at which point, I'm afraid, I leaped off her couch in disgust, thanked her for her time, and left her office in a huff, determined never to return again.

Instead, feeling myself in a much better place for having talked things though, I decided I'd confront my fears head on and watch part of this Sunday's The Big Questions. I felt strong, and that my nightmare fantasies about The Big Questions must be just that - pure fantasies.

I breathed hard, and couldn't bring myself to do it for the first forty minutes. 

Finally, I switched on, twenty minutes before the end, and - to my utter astonishment - found they were about to discuss the big question, "Are Bible stories the way to teach morality?" (What are the chances of that happening?)

My astonishment turned to sheer horror as the debate proceeded exactly as my nightmare vision had envisioned. 

My head spun. My world toppled around me. 


Yes, Nicky Campbell was there - just as I imagined him - joking about Maajid Nawaz, and ruthlessly baiting some poor Christian guy. And the audience were there laughing at the poor man, and people were shouting, and the questions were overwhelmingly one-sided, and the audience was applauding in an overwhelmingly one-sided way too, and Christina Rees was there, and Andrew Copson was there, and the puppet of Jesus was there, and...

Oh. My. God.

It was far scarier than Carrie or The Exorcist. 

Flames began rising around my TV set, Nicky Campbell's head twisted 360 degrees around, and the hands of Jimmy Savile thrust themselves up through the studio floor before my very eyes.

I'm now back to square one, locked in a darkened room, shivering, traumatised to the very core of my being, determined never again to watch The Big Questions.

Pray for me.

Footie, the Oscars and Jihad


Kick it out.

Wasn’t the Today programme bizarre this morning? It was.The embarrassing Bono incident “have I brought shame on the Today programme?”  and the spoonerism-prone James “I did that once and I don’t think I got away with it”  Naughtie, who couldn’t quite say ‘ice sheet’ this morning, coupled with several other strange topics and statements of the bleeding obvious. In his excitement the poor Oscar besotted reporter even got James Naughtie mixed up with John Humphrys, and called the Today programme “Breakfast”. 
Fortunately Evan did the Sol Campbell ‘Ten years a non-captain’ item rather than Naughtie who might have spluttered out “Col Sambo”, which he would never have lived down. I do know it’s not an exact spoonerism by the way you pedants.


The Oscars.

Having not had the pleasure of going to the cinema for many years, last November I suddenly decided to go and see “Gravity” in interminable 3D. It was exhausting. I know how poor Sandra Bullock must have felt, especially when she landed in the middle of nowhere in just her underwear.

Twelve years a slave. Only twelve? Some of us have been married  much longer.

They’ve meddled with the Today programme website so you can’t get to hear every individual item with just one click as you could once do, which is probably the BBC’s deliberate attempt to foil people like us who are desperate to link to the best bits on their scurrilous Beeb-bashing websites. Also, they take hours to upload ‘selected’ clips onto Listen Again, so we have to hang about till it’s old hat and nobody will care, if they ever did.

Let’s go and have a look. ‘Still not available'. Just the provisional running order plus promise.

So. A professional ex-Jihadist has been called in as a consultant, to share his expertise. 
How not to alienate home-grown potential jihadists  (A speculation while we're waiting) 

  • The government must approach the vexatious problem by not invading Muslim lands! 
  • Don’t kill the Muslims!
  • Adopt a Muslim-friendly foreign policy! 


I hope he’s being fairly remunerated for his specialised insights, whatever they are.

Lo and behold, that item is one of the specially selected items that they’ve chosen to feature. And so is Bonio! Hooray! Now I don’t have to listen to the whole three hours.


Our reporter Sima Kotecha speaks to a former member of Al Qaeda
“One of the ironies is that we never fear death, but we fear imprisonment because imprisonment confines you physically, while martyrdom is something that will free your spirit.” 
says the al Qaeda defector who doesn’t want to be named.

Hmm. A rather good argument for reinstating the death penalty, namely satisfaction all round. But I’m against it in principle. Oh dear, might have to reconsider.
“An Al Qaeda defector has told the BBC that the government needs to improve the way it engages with radical Islamists or risk more young men returning from fighting in Syria to try to carry out attacks here” 
says the newsreader. 
“The man, who was born in Saudi Arabia said ministers had to change their rhetoric to convince extremists that the West wasn’t responsible for conflicts in the Issslamic world. The mayor of London, Boris Johnson, said that Muslim children who were at risk of being radicalised by their parents should be taken into care because they’re victims of child abuse. Writing in the Daily Telegraph, he said ‘some children should be removed from their families to stop them becoming potential killers or suicide bombers’ “
(From the news bulletin on the Today programme just after 6am)


My God. Did Boris really say that?  Oh yes, so he did. Just imagine the outcry if social services  ever wrenched Muslim children away from their families, and in any case it’s not quite certain that being brought up in care provides cast-iron insurance against growing up as a potential killer or the other thing.
Anyway, isn’t it high time the government wrenched children away from radical Islamists per se? If there’s any truth in those almost parodic Trojan Horse revelations? I did read the article in the Times as well. 
Note to self. Must stop running to Harry’s Place every five minutes.

Crucial advice to the government from the defector from al Qaeda who doesn’t want to give his name.

  • Tales of the glorious martyrdom are an inspiration for other young Jihadis! 
  • The internet is a recruitment tool and a facilitating tool! 
  • Improved counter-narrative! 
  • The UK government must say that although they admire the motives of those that want to go there (Syria) to help others, they might come back changed people with sinister motives!


Sima asks: “Should we listen to what you say?”
  

Malcolm Rifkind dispenses the approved govt. line. 

  • Perverted version of what the Koran teaches! 
  • Working closely with the communities from which these people come!
  • You can make a difference!


Token trivial item at the end of this post.

Last week I saw a nude self portrait by the great artistic duo Gilbert and George. (at Cheltenham Art Gallery if you must know) They are the spitting image of another great artistic duo Morecambe and Wise. Remember how Morecambe and Wise were often filmed in bed together, at the end of a long tiring day full of escapades; Eric with his pipe and Ernie with a book? They’d never get away with that these days.


  

A week's-worth of WATO


Pinaciphobia (n.) A fear of lists.

I hope none of you suffer from pinaciphobia, because here's another post that's little more than a long list. Hopefully, you'll find it of interest though.

It gives a summary of everything covered on last week's The World at One and The World This Weekend.

So what did they cover? And who did they talk to?

There's only one way to find out (well, actually two, as you could always listen to them for yourselves on the BBC i-Player of course): Read on!


THE WORLD AT ONE

24/2/2014 - Shaun Ley

13.00 News
13.08 Ukraine - overview & report
13.13 Ukraine - interview with Tim Ash, Standard Bank, about Ukraine's economic situation
13.16 Ukraine - interview with Alexander Nekrassov, former Kremlin advisor
13.19 Ukraine - interview with Andrey Kurkov, ethnic Russian author of 'Death and The Penguin'
13.22 Ukraine - discussion with BBC reporter
13.24 North Sea Oil & Scottish independence - report
13.28 North Sea Oil & Scottish independence - discussion with BBC reporter
13.29 North Sea Oil & Scottish independence - interview with Malcolm Webb of Oil and Gas UK
13.32 A hospital is giving elderly patients the option to buy food bags when they leave hospital as they have nobody to look after them when they get home - interview with Kim Beevers, Head of Retail at the Chesterfield Royal Hospital
13.35 Spitting Image's 30th anniversary - report
13.39 Medical Data Sharing - Interview with Prof Nick Black, Professor of Health Services Research (a supporter of the move) & Phil Booth, of privacy campaign group Med Confidential (an opponent of the move)
13.44 Closing headlines.


25/2/2014 - Shaun Ley

13.00 News
13.07 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - overview
13.11 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - interview with Clive Lander (sp?), former NCCL executive
13.14 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - interview with Christian Wolmar, journalist who encountered PIE
13.18 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - interview with Andrew Pierce, deputy editor of 'The Daily Mail'
13.21 Hacking Trial - - discussion with BBC reporter
13.23 Japanese 'virtual' bank robbery - overview
13.24 Japanese 'virtual' bank robbery - interview with Dave Birch, Consult Hyperion
13.27 'Drugs War' in Rochdale - report
13.33 Migration Advisory Committee advises government to auction visas to super-rich investors - interview with Sir David Metcalf of the MAC (supportive)
13.36 Migration Advisory Committee advises government to auction visas to super-rich investors - interview with Nicolas Rollason of Kingsley Napley (sceptical)
13.38 The 'special magic' of the Harry Potter film & its effect on the British film industry - report
13.44 Closing headlines.


26/2/2014 - Shaun Ley

13.00 News
13.07 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - overview
13.09 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Gregory Campbell (DUP)
13.12 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Peter Taylor, veteran BBC reporter
13.15 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Anna Soubry (Conservative) & Mary Creigh (Labour)
13.18 PMQs - report
13.22 PMQs - interview with Anna Soubry (Conservative) & Mary Creigh (Labour)
13.24 'Drugs War' in Rochdale - report
13.30 Serious case review into the conviction of a traumatised British soldier who attacked his baby daughter - interview with Kevin Crompton, Northampton Local Safeguarding Children & Dr Deirdre MacManus, consultant forensic psychiatrist
13.35 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - overview
13.36 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - interview with Tom Watson (Labour)
13.40 Are nursing cutbacks causing patient deaths?  - interview with Prof Anne Marie Rafferty, report author & Camilla Cavendish, Care Quality Commission.
13.44 Closing headlines.


27/2/2014 - Shaun Ley

13.00 News
13.07 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - overview
13.09 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Basil McCrea, independent Unionist
13.11 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Jonathan Powell, Labour advisor
13.16 Secret letters sent to NI paramilitaries - interview with Jeffrey Donaldson (DUP)
13.19 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - overview & report [revealing a document showing that former Labour MP Bryan Gould expressed sympathy for PIE's aims]
13.25 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - interview with Ian Pace, pianist, campaigner and Labour supporter
13.28 Labour, PIE & the NCCL - further overview
13.29 Ukraine - overview & report
13.34 Angela Merkel's speech to the UK parliament - report
13.37 Angela Merkel's speech to the UK parliament - interview with Jessye Norman (Conservative)
13.40 Self harm among young people - a report
13.44 Closing headlines.


28/2/2014 - Edward Stourton

13.00 News
13.07 Ukraine - interviews with BBC correspondents
13.14 Ukraine - interview with Pavel Felgengauer of Russian opposition newspaper Novaya Gazeta
13.18 Ukraine - interview with Sir Tony Brenton, former ambassador to Russia
13.21 Ukraine - interview with Lord Ashdown (Lib Dem)
13.26 Badger cull - interview with BBC reporter
13.29 Badger cull - interview with Paul Caruana, former government cull advisor
13.32 Who will be Britain's new EU commissioner? - report
13.38 MI5 files: The latest releases - report
13.42 Ukraine - update & interview with BBC reporter
13.44 Closing headlines.


THE WORLD THIS WEEKEND 

2/3/2014 - Edward Stourton

13.00 News
13.05 Ukraine - interview with BBC correspondent
13.08 Ukraine - talk on Ukraine's history by Anna Reid, author of 'Borderland'
13.11 Ukraine - Alexey Yaroshevsky, Russia Today reporter & Andriy Shevchenko, Yulia Tymoshenko Bloc
13.16 Ukraine - interview with BBC correspondent
13.19 Deaths in the Welsh NHS - overview & report
13.26 David Owen on the Labour Party & Ukraine - interview with Lord Owen [now a Labour donor]
13.30 Close.

Reviewing the press reviewers



It's time to update Is the BBC biased?'s list of the guests BBC Breakfast invites to do its paper reviews on its weekend shows, as there's an extra three-and-a-half months' worth of extra information for you to scrutinise at your leisure:

2013
7/9 Simon Fanshawe, writer
8/9 Ian MacMillan, poet
14/9 David Davies, former FA boss
15/9 Paul Horrocks. former president of the UK Society of Editors
21/9 Cary Cooper, academic
22/9 Kate Williams, historian
28/9 Olly Mann, writer and broadcaster
29/9 Emma B, radio presenter
5/10 Simon Fanshawe, writer
6/10 Ian MacMillan, poet
12/10 Margaret Doyle, Deloitte
13/10 Vicky Beeching, theologian and writer
19/10 Bishop Stephen Lowe, former Bishop of Hulme
20/10 Reverend Richenda Leigh, chaplain, University of Derby
26/10 David Davies, former FA boss
27/10 Juliet Dunlop, journalist and broadcaster
2/11 Simon Fanshawe, writer
3/11 Pete Waterman, music producer
9/11 John Amaechi, psychologist and former basketball player
10/11 Kate Williams, historian
16/11 Paul Horrocks. former president of the UK Society of Editors
17/11 Helen Pidd, Guardian
23/11 Simon Fanshawe, writer
24/11 Ian Collins, broadcaster
30/11 (No review)
1/12 Tessa Dunlop, writer & historian
7/12 Professor Martin Hall, Salford University
8/12 Juliet Dunlop, journalist & broadcaster
14/12 Ian MacMillan, poet and broadcaster
15/12 No review (Mandela)
21/12 Helen Pidd, Guardian
22/12 Pete Waterman, music producer
28/12 Justin Urquhart Stewart, financial commentator
29/12 John Amaechi, psychologist and former basketball player

2014
4/1 Simon Fanshawe, writer
5/1 Juliet Dunlop, journalist & broadcaster
11/1 Reverend Sally Hitchiner, chaplain, Brunel University
12/1 David Davies, former FA boss
18/1 Vicky Beeching, theologian and writer
19/1 The Very Reverend Rogers Govender, Dean of Manchester
25/1 Peter Bradshaw, Guardian
26/1 Dr Carole Mundell, astrophysicist
1/2 Simon Fanshawe, writer
2/2 Ian Collins, radio presenter and political commentator
8/2 Olly Mann, broadcaster and columnist
9/2 Paul Horrocks, former president of the UK Society of Editors
15/2 Justin Urquhart Stewart, financial commentator
16/2 Juliet Dunlop, journalist
22/2 David Davies, former FA boss
23/2 Bishop Stephen Lowe, former Bishop of Hulme
1/3 Simon Fanshawe, writer
2/3 Helen Pidd, Guardian


As before, and for the sake of comparison, here's a list I prepared earlier, so that can can see what's changed - and what hasn't changed - over a longer time-frame:

2011
11 June - David Davies, former FA boss
12 June - Jonathan Oliver, Sunday Times
18 June - Mehdi Hasan, New Statesman
19 June - Chris Adams, FT
25 June - Simon Fanshawe, writer
26 June - Camila Batmanghelidjh, charity leader
2 July - Margaret Doyle, Reuters
3 July - Kevin Maguire, Daily Mirror
9 July - Phil Hall, PR consultant
10 July - Kevin Maguire, Daily Mirror & Vincent Graff, freelance journalist
16 July - Tim Walker, Daily Telegraph 
17 July - Andew Pierce, Daily Mail
23 July - no paper review (because of coverage of the Breivik massacre in Norway)
24 July - Olly Mann, writer
30 July - Simon Fanshawe, writer
31 July - Camila Batmanghelidjh, charity leader
6 August - Margaret Doyle, Reuters
7 August - Kevin Maguire, Daily Mirror 
13 August - Olly Mann, writer
14 August - Vincent Graff, freelance journalist
20 August - Tim Walker, Daily Telegraph 
21 August - Andrew Pierce, Daily Mail
27 August - Peter Bradshaw, Guardian 
28 August - David Davies, former FA boss
3 September - Margaret Doyle, Reuters
4 September - Kevin Maguire, Daily Mirror 
10 September - Simon Fanshawe, writer
11 September - Stryker Mcguire, US journalist
17 September - Olly Mann, writer
18 September - Jonathan Oliver, Sunday Times 
25 September - David Davies, former FA boss
1 October - Vincent Graff, freelance journalist
2 October - Mehdi Hasan, New Statesman
8 October - Simon Fanshawe, writer
9 October - Olly Mann, writer
15 October - Tim Walker, Daily Telegraph
16 October - Michael White, Guardian


I think these lists can tell us a few things about the changes in BBC Breakfast's editorial policy from 2011 to 2014:

(1) That they have made an determined effort to feature more female guests, with the proportion rising from 13.5% in 2011 to 34% in 2013-14.

(2) That they have moved away from using print journalists as reviewers. In 2011, BBC Breakfast invited journalists from The Sunday Times, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph, The Daily Mirror, The Daily Mail, The New Statesman and The FT. By 2013-14, however, there are only a couple of regulars from The Guardian left.

(3) That they have sought out more clerics, broadening out beyond their old staple, Bishop Stephen Lowe, to include lots more reverends, reverends and theologians.

(4) That they've attempted to break away from their old merry-go-round of regular guests by including many new faces among all the cast of regulars, presumably to provide a better balance between the fresh and the familiar. 

The programme's most regular guest is writer and broadcaster Simon Fanshawe, with former FA boss (and ex-BBC man) David Davies coming up behind him in second place.

As regards political bias, the guest-list remains essentially 'safe' and vaguely left-of-centre. The old outright partisans of the Left, Mehdi Hasan and Kevin Maguire, appear to have been dropped for good, though the likes of Simon Fanshawe and Bishop Lowe remain, and the marked dropping away (from 2011 to 2014) of openly right-wing press reviewers seems to have been partially halted by the addition of LBC talk show host Ian Collins. 

Dog bites man? Not a story. Snake eats croc? That IS a story!


The most read stories on the BBC News website at this moment in time are (in reverse order for added suspense):

5. 'Two Together Railcard' goes on sale
4. Europe's 'biggest crisis of the century'
3. Missing Megan: Body found in river
2. Russia tightens grip on Crimea

and the most read story on the BBC News website?

1. Snake eats crocodile after battle.

The public know what they want: And it's 'snake v croc' over 'Ukraine v Russia' every time!

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Re: Some film the BBC likes



As each of the preceding posts has ploughed through today's bias-filled Broadcasting House, it's only right and proper to end the day by writing something about its final feature....

....even though I'd rather not write about it, as I'm truly and utterly fed up of hearing the BBC banging on about it over and over and over and over again (as if they were some liberal-minded psychopath with a righteous-but-deadly hammer).

Yes, the BBC just won't shut up about it. They seem truly obsessed about it.

Can you guess what it is yet?

Well, as a clue, there have been endless features about it on the BBC website, Radio 3, Newsnight, Today, The Film Programme, The One Show (yes, The One Show), etc, etc, etc, etc, etc., plus it was chosen (last week) as Radio 4's Book of the Week. Endless, endless, endless. Will it ever end? 

Can you guess what I'm talking about yet?

Yes, the film 12 Years a Slave.

I coming to suspect (in my facetious but far from abstemious way) that most BBC employees probably have posters about 12 Years a Slave hanging on their walls and that there may even be shrines - yer actual incense-laden, Tibetan bell-ringing, multi-faith shrines - in umpteen BBC studios (and bedrooms) dedicated to the worship of director Steve McQueen (PBUH). 

Broadcasting House reported from Louisiana about the film. 

Some blacks talked about continuing racism. Some honkies talked 'bart how the issues raised by 12 Years a Slave are over 'n' done with, y'all. The BBC reporter responsible for the report declared herself disturbed and there were two 'talking heads' in the report with the surname 'White'. (Tee hee!). There were also sad songs, and psychic traumas, and "quote" 'n' "quote" things...

...and, to conclude, a pastor with slave-owning ancestors who thinks that his there was a "American Holocaust" (re slavery) and that Americans shouldn't be erecting monuments to the victims of Nazism when America itself was perpetrating "the same kind of racist evil".

Call me an enemy of moral equivalence, but there's really not much moral equivalence between what the slave-owning Americans did (truly wicked as it was) and what the Nazis did (in a league of evil entirely of its own) to the Jews, and for Broadcasting House to finish this report with that self-loathing, morally crazy thought suggests that Broadcasting House's own moral compass is very much askew. 

Who does Admiral Lord West fancy? And who does he envy? Read on


Tom

Onwards and..........................

The paper review panel on today's Broadcasting House consisted of actor Tom Hollander (of the BBC's Rev fame), Lord West of Spithead (Labour) and Camilla Cavendish of The Sunday Times who, Paddy said [in his introduction], is "conducting a review for the Health Secretary in England, Jeremy Hunt, into healthcare assistance" - thus neatly suggesting where she might just possibly stand on the political spectrum [whilst, at the same time, including a clip of her - by way of introduction - praising the skills of NHS staff for good measure. Paddy's profoundly emotional pro-NHS bias is something I've commented on before.]

But, I hear you ask, did Paddy finally get round to telling us that Lord West is a Labour Party peer, after serving in Gordon Brown's government? 

Well almost:
Lord West won the DSC in the Falklands War. He was the last to leave his frigate, HMS Ardent, as she sank. He rose to run the Royal Navy before briefly steaming into politics.
They covered the Oscars first, and film's apparent rise (at TV's expense). 

I did smile at Lord West's contribution here. He agreed with Tom Hollander that cinema is resurgent, especially as you can have a meal while sitting on sofas at cinemas these days. ["That's the expensive way of going to the cinema", quipped Tom.]

I've never understood how the outstanding Lord West - quite possibly the most conservative/Conservative-seeming man in the entire world - can possibly be a Labour peer.

But if butler-employing, Conservative-defecting millionaire Shaun Woodward and expense-grabbing, bell-tower-owning Tory grandee-turned-Labour minister Quentin Davies can become (and remain) Labour politicians - in this topsy-turvy, LibLabCon world [as they say in comments threads at the Telegraph] -  then anything is probably possible.

Camilla, true to form, began with...The Sunday Times. She quoted her paper's David Smith giving us good economic news about the recovery.

As I heard her I thought, 'George Osborne will appreciate this take on things, but then also thought that [pro-Labour, as I see him] Paddy would feel duty-bound to counter this...

...and, immediately, Paddy did just that (I knew it!), asking about how fairly distributed the growth is (Labour territory, of course) and inviting Labour's Lord West to comment...

Camilla

Aha, but what's this exchange?:
Paddy: You were a GOAT in Gordon Brown's government.
Lord West: I was a GOAT. I tended to focus on security, and things like that rather than deep political issues, I have to say.
Paddy: That's a good point. That's a get out!
Lord West: It is a get out!
(Laughter)
The GOATs in Gord's cabinet were non-partisan, non-party types, you'll (hopefully) remember.

Yes, yes, BUT Lord West is NOW a Labour Party peer and NOT a cross-bencher, and I've heard him make party-partisan points on Radio 4 before since 2010. Unclued-up Radio 4 listeners (even those who like Mark Tully) risked being misled into thinking that Lord West is a completely non-partisan figure by today's Broadcasting House, something this exchange reinforced yet further. 

We then learned that Lord West fancies Victoria Coren, who he finds "dramatically attractive" (as, indeed, she is), and that he envies David Mitchell (which it's more than my life's worth to agree with).

[Can this man really be a Labour Party supporter, in the age of Harriet Harman? Surely, he remains a GOAT at heart after all. [And possibly a randy one to boot]].

Lord West was backing Victoria's article in the Observer, where she says that the Royal Family should be splendid and remote rather than wearing jeans and trying to be like us. The splendid Lord West agreed with that. [Again, why is this man sitting on the Labour Party benches?]. 

Tom Hollander [who I kept on warming to] again rather nailed Lord West here [perhaps unintentionally] with another quip [with which I also agree]:
They can't win though, can they? If they get too democratic then Vicky Coren writes that, and if they wear too many medals and gold braid 
Lord West (and HM The Queen)
then everyone will accuse them of being remote.
Lord West recognised the joke, and laughed at himself. (Good man.)

Lord West (Labour) then told a short anecdote about David Cameron getting lost on one occasion coming back from the Palace to Number Ten. 

"David Cameron got lost coming back...?", said Paddy (ears pricking up, like a biased puppy dog). 

"His driver got lost", clarified Lord West [being an honest sailor at heart]. 

They still laughed.

Next, The Independent on Sunday and Amazonian tribes, evil loggers, our burgers. Boooo!!!

Then The Observer on gold under the sea, and our "delicate eco-systems" and the "huge threats" to our environment. Plastic, scary, billionaires, and another Boooo!!!

Next the Observer again - this time a piece about the death of the world's oldest Holocaust survivor, concert pianist Alice Herz-Sommer (a life I was glad to hear commemorated on Last Word this Friday). There's a film about her, according to Tom Hollander, which we must see that shows her playing Chopin with arthritic hands at the age of 106.

[Well, there's also a clip on her at the age 108 on YouTube which also shows her playing Chopin that you might like to listen too. The arthritis is clearly having its toll but the music's beauty - and her former glory - is still there to hear.
Lord West then took us back to the Independent on Sunday and a piece about Ukraine that backed up his careful position.

Camilla Cavendish finally broke us away from the Observer/Independent on Sunday see-saw and took us to the Mail on Sunday and that amnesty granted to former IRA terrorists (and those comfort letters). What about an amnesty too for the soldiers involved in 'Bloody Sunday'?

...finally, one for Lord West: "Phwoar!"

Lord West agreed that we need to be even-handed here, rather than favouring the IRA at the expense of British soldiers, and argued [rightly] that "there's no moral equivalence" between the IRA terrorists and those soldiers involved in 'Bloody Sunday' [once again, please tell me why the wonderful Lord West sits on the Labour benches?]. He then rubbished the IRA's "Ah well, we believed in something, therefore we're the same as your British troops" argument, adding that "that would justify Islamic extremists as well" and provide "get-out-of-jail-free" cards to them, rounding off by saying that he doesn't think we should keep pursuing our own soldiers "who did this in their line of duty" - to which I can only add a parliamentary "Hear! Hear!" [again, once again, please tell me why the wonderful Lord West is sitting on the Labour benches?]

Finally, Paddy returned to the Oscars and mentioned the BBC's current obsession 12 Years a Slave [and it really does come across as an obsession, BBC], asking [as if he'd not asked a leading question] for his choice. Tom let him down badly, saying that he wanted Dallis Buyers Club to win. [That made me laugh too.]

I enjoyed this BH paper review.

The Crimean Jewish Republic. ?.


After that facetious post about John Simpson - and the two critical posts that preceded it - it's time to get back onto po-faced blogging territory as we continue our long and arduous journey through today's edition of Broadcasting House on Radio 4. Plus it's bouquet time too.

It was more Ukraine to follow, with Paddy interviewing Ukrainian-born novelist Anna Shevchenko. 

Anna give Radio 4 listeners a potted history of Crimea, and a very interesting one it was too. 


Crimea has (she said) been the prize of ages, with the Greeks, the Romans, the Ottomans and the Russians seeking to secure it for their empires. 

Anna told us that there were plans (in the 18th Century) for Crimea to be the original Australia for British convicts, before a last-minute change of heart [and thank goodness for that. I prefer my Clive James in English rather than in Ukrainian/Russian.]

She also said there was a heavily-funded, American-backed aim in the 1920s to create a 'Californian Crimea'. [I wish she'd explained that more, as that revelation calls for a hearty 'WTF?']

Anna added, just as intriguingly, that there were also plans for a Jewish republic there. [More please!!]

We then heard some music - Eastern-sounding music played by Tatar violinists. 

Anna said the Tatars were inhabitants of Crimea since the 14th Century (contradicting the claim on this morning's Sunday that they'd been there since the 13th Century), until they were ousted by Stalin in 1944.  

Anna said the Soviets saw Crimea as an important naval base [as we know] but, even more, as a tourist resort - "the Cornwall of the Soviet Union", its "Golden Coast", full of children's camps, she said.  


Now, Anna was wonderful here but it's very unlikely she'd have been on BH unless she was on the pro-'revolution'/anti-Russian side of the argument, and I waited for the moment when her sympathies became apparent - and become apparent they most certainly did as she gave her own take on Russia's current activities in Crimea:
It's like having foreign troops here in Cornwall, outside the Newquay Airport. It's just absurd.
She went on to give the following crisp, brilliant summary of how Crimea came into Russia's hands though:
In 1783 Count Potemkin persuaded the Empress that she has to remove the wart on nose of the Russian Empire and achieve the total domination of the Black Sea, doing three things: first of all, not to allow the elections; stir the mutiny; and use military force if necessary. 
Now, whether she phrased that in such a way as to make the (partial) parallels with today seem more striking (or not), I'm nowhere near knowledgeable enough to say. 

Still, it was a brilliant and pithy summary nonetheless, and kudos must be given to BH for inviting her on (whatever bias might lay behind their motives).

The Conqueror of Crimea



Next, on Broadcasting House, it was back to Ukraine and the BBC's John Simpson.

John is fondly remembered for leading the Charge of the Light Brigade into Kabul a few years ago whilst disguised as a Russian peasant girl, thus liberating the subjugated city from the oppressive Cossacks. As he did so, riding a donkey rather than a horse (as befits a humble BBC reporter), grateful Ukrainian girls laid palm leaves before him, and wept. 

By his own account today on Broadcasting House, John has donned his legendary frock again and is bravely attempting to make his way into Crimea on a train. 

He told an all-agog Paddy that it's been quite an ordeal so far.

He says he's "had quite a difficult journey really", having been turned back at the border twice by bearded Cossack warriors, brandishing scimitars.

But, being John Simpson, Lion of the BBC, Conqueror of Kabul, nothing will stop him pushing through the Khyber Pass into Crimea and liberating the oppressed Tatars from the Russian hordes. 

Next week, as an encore, John Simpson and his newly-formed Tatar army will storm the Kremlin, sentence Vladimir Putin to fifty hours of community service (John is BBC after all) and carry off Alina Kabaeva into the Moscow night on horseback, his flowery frock flowing out romantically behind them as they ride towards new glories (fighting the dreaded Great Tsar himself, Nigel the Terrible).

You may detect a very faint element of sarcasm here, but John Simpson's self-focused reporting just cries out for it, doesn't it?

Quiz question:

Besides the word 'abstemious', which is the only word in the English language to have all its vowels in correct alphabetical order?