Sunday 14 December 2014

Harry and Paul on 'Question Time'

As it's a slow blogging day (so far), here's a reminder of Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse's brilliant take-down of Question Time, transcribed (as is the way of this blog) in order to educate, inform and entertain...

David Dimbleby: Er, if I could come to you sir, the gentleman in the red jumper.
The gentleman in the red jumper: Yes, well firstly, if the bankers, the bonuses, the bankers, the bonuses, it's disgusting. And secondly, if the Tories are really serious about it they'd tax the bankers, the bonuses to 90%.
(Audience applause)
The gentleman in the red jumper: If all the Eton Tories went to Harrow School and comprehensives then perhaps we'd still have the grammar schools actually.
(Audience applause)
David Dimbleby: Thank you. That's an original comment. I'm being sarcastic of course. Now, if you're a moronic whinger and you would like to make a fool of yourself in the Question Time audience with a witless, lame remark, next week we'll be at the former Polytechnic of Greybuildings, now, of course, Cambridge Ringroad University. But back to tonight and what the audience think of what they've heard so far. If I could go to you sir, in the blue tie.
The man in the blue tie:  Good evening, Jonathan...
David Dimbleby: It's David. My brother's Jonathan.
(The man in the blue tie is lost for words)
We'll come back to you. Er, you sir, at the back, in the green pullover. Do you have a cliched thought for us?
(The man starts to speak but cannot be heard)
David Dimbleby: No, just let the microphone get to you.
The man in the green pullover: Yes, er, I just don't understand this Tracey Emin art.
(Audience applause)
David Dimbleby: Thank you. You sir, with the sweat, should we try again?
The man in the blue tie (sweating profusely): My question to the panel the panel think...(gulping badly), surely if we've all got to pay for...the ones who...
David Dimbleby: Going to have to leave it there. Gentleman down the front in the blue pullover.
Gentleman down the front in the blue pullover: Does the panel think that Boris Johnson would make a better Boris Johnson than Boris Johnson?
(Audience applause)
David Dimbleby: Thank you. The woman in the pink cardigan with the big teeth.
The woman in the pink cardigan with the big teeth: If the BBC spent more less money on better programmes then it wouldn't be such an insult to the license fee payer.
(Audience applause)
David Dimbleby: And, of course, if you are twitter and tweet then you can twitter and tweet us here at the BBC and I for one, of course, will not look at a word you write. If I could go to the gentleman over there in the funny beige jumper.
The gentleman over there in the funny beige jumper: Wouldn't it be better if the government just admitted they'd got it wrong?
(Audience applause)
David Dimbleby: Thank you, and the sweaty man...One more go?
The man in the blue tie:....
David Dimbleby: No? And now our final question - the lame jokey question which this week comes from Bryan Farnett of Fryan Barnett.
Bryan Farnett of Fryan Barnett: Er, yes David. Erm...if the panel was on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! would they make Jordan or George Osborne (sniggering) eat slugs?
David Dimbleby: Er herherher. David Tory?
David Tory: Er hahahaha. I've never actually wa...hahahaha..but...hahahaha...
David Dimbleby: Baroness Token?
Baroness (Warsi) Token: Well, I also have never actually..hahahaha..but...hahahaha...
David Dimbleby: Ed Silliband?
Ed Silliband: Well, I also have never actually..hahahaha..but I do think there's an important point to make here, which is the Tories, the Tories,  the Tories, the Tories...
David Dimbleby: I'm sorry, I'm going to have to stop you there. We're running out of time...
Ed Silliband: David, if you'd allow me to finish my sentence...the Tories.
David Dimbleby: And finally, funny person and comedian who wants to be taken seriously, Jimmy Gagg?
Jimmy Gagg: Anal sex.
David Dimbleby: Well, we've run out of time, thank God. Next week our panel includes the Chancellor of the Exchequer, the chairman of BP and Dappy from N-Dubz. But from all of us here at the University of Tired, Sheffield, good night.

And if you enjoyed that and fancy celebrating how funny it was, well...

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