Here are a few Tim Vine jokes from yesterday's The Tim Vine Christmas Chat Show (all worthy of being inside Christmas crackers):
- I actually live in an Advent calendar. It's freezing at the moment because all the windows are open.
- Shopping can be quite a tense thing. I've got a fear of enclosed grottoes. I've got Santa Claustrophobia.
- I was in Tesco. I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"
- Did you know this? The guitarist in U2, who's called The Edge, he actually takes December off. He's replaced by a Christmas guitarist called The Sledge.
- I said to this bloke, "I can do an impression of the Beatrix Potter character called Puddleduck". He said, "Jemima?" I said, "No, I do the voice as well".
- He said, "If you were a comedian"...(I let that go)..."would you want to be like Morecambe or Wise?" I said, "Like Morecambe". He said, "Likewise". I said, "No, like Morecambe".
What's going on though? This was a Radio 4 6.30 comedy and there were no jokes about Trump, Boris, the Daily Mail or Brexit. Someone at Radio 4 slipped up there.