While you're waiting for Michael McIntyre...

Courtesy of The Dad Joke Man:

2020 - The year my bins went out more than me...  

On January 1st I’m going to change my laptop screen to 1600 x 1200. That's my New Year's resolution. 

I saw Sinead O’Connor in a birdwatching hide yesterday. I asked her what kind of activity she’d seen. She replied “It’s been seven owls and fifteen jays....” 

One of my New Year resolutions for 2021 is to get inside a tyre and roll down a hill every day. It’s going to be a Goodyear. 

I think it’s a disgrace that so many people still don’t know who Neil Armstrong is or what kind of trumpet he played. 

I haven’t kept up my subscription to Scrabble Club. Now they’ve started sending me threatening letters. 

Still had no message from Bono. It seems all is quiet on New Year's Day.