Thursday, 28 January 2016

Endangered language

Which fictional language shrank as it developed? That question came up on the horribly addictive ITV quiz show “The Chase”. 
Truth is stranger than fiction of course, and Newspeak isn’t the only language that’s shrunk. 
We’re haemorrhaging words right left and centre here in the wonderful world of PC. 

The latest term outlawed by the PC police is, obviously, b***h. 
Yvette Cooper has asked the PM to apologise for using it as the collective noun for immigrant migrant. It’s pejorative, she thinks.

I was thinking. What would be a more acceptable term? Something angelic perhaps. What’s the collective noun for angels? Look it up on “Facts.co.” 

I'm loving angels instead.


Oh dear. One suggestion is “pinhead”. A pinhead of immigrants migrants? That really wouldn’t do. But host is a good one. Host as in golden daffodils.  



There. Sorted. A host of immigrants migrants. That would be double good as it has unintended connotations; “welcome”, “hospitality”, and other warm and fuzzy vibes.

Of course one couldn’t really use ‘host’ as a substitute for “b***h” in every case. A “bouquet” of flowers, perhaps. The daffs are already for sale round here, but I can’t see the farmers changing the signing to “Daffs: £1 a bouquet”. 

What about bananas? “Hand” maybe?  Grapes? What about “Sprig”?

He promised to buy me a ...tussie-mussie... of blue ribbons to tie up my bonnie brown hair, (styled, of course, in two “clumps” / adjacent pony-tails, or neighbouring pinheads)

Oh, I’ve got a lovely clump of coconuts...



The BBC should apologise profusely to itself for any offence caused by that annoying radio 4 promo.