Oh for Gawd's sake!
Some despicable scrote has tried to nick Morecambe's main tourist attraction, the Eric Morecambe statue.
Every day, whether sunshine has been brought or not, hordes of locals and tourists lift a leg and raise an arm in honour of Morecambe's favourite son (and his pal, Ernie) and get snapped by their friends and family for so doing.
And now someone - apparently a Morecambe man - has attempted to saw through Eric's standing leg and make off with him.
The statue has now been removed by the council for repairs.
Well, I've heard it all: Syria, missing airlines, Trojan horses, drowning migrants, Iraq, Ukraine, I.S., Calais, Ebola, British jihadis, and now, worst of all, this.
Stop the world please. I want to get off.