Wednesday, 8 July 2015

"My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked"


I watched some of the BBC's Budget coverage earlier today and got so depressed watching Robert Peston and some chap from the IFS telling us how horribly most people were going to suffer because of it that I felt we here at ITBB might need to lighten the mood somewhat, lest we all flee to Greece.

That said, I rehearsed some of the following jokes on my mother-in-law earlier today and she wasn't impressed (to put it mildly). 

In fairness to her, I'd put her in something of a bad mood beforehand. It was absolutely pouring down when she arrived. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'




Here's a brace of fine Lancastrian comedian Les Dawson's jokes:
The people next door are awful. At three o’clock this morning they were banging on the walls and screaming. Good job I wasn’t trying to sleep - I was playing my drums at the time.
I was in a play on the TV once, it was one of those suspense plays. It kept you wondering: what’s on the other channels? 
I was in my local pub the other night. I said to the landlord: "This beer is flat, warm and full of sediment". He said: "You’re lucky - you’ve only got a pint. I’ve got a bloody cellar full".

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