|John Whittingdale, Secretary of State for Culture, Media, Extermination and Sport|
You may have noticed that Genghis Khan (formerly known as John Whittingdale) was on The Andrew Marr Show this morning.
Terrified BBC staff were seen cowering as the dreaded satellite link to the most destructive man in the history of humanity began its fateful and obedient work.
The Great Khan spoke, seated on a throne from inside his own dark abode (like a vision from Hell). A miniature grandfather clock loomed behind, half-blocking a dull painting of a young man.
These words thundered out quietly, chilling the blood of every person who heard them (from Melvyn Bragg to Clare Balding):
I do, I’m a huge admirer of the BBC. I’ve said many times that I think at its best the BBC is the finest broadcaster in the world.
As I said, I admire the BBC. The last thing I want to do is undermine the BBC.
Professor Brian Cox's impressive hair stood on end out of sheer terror. Graham Norton fainted, theatrically. Billy Bragg began writing a protest song. Danny Cohen texted James Purnell.