Start the Week: The Prologue

Two or three week's ago Is the BBC biased?'s hidden microphones in BBC H.Q. caught the following discussion between a BBC producer (let's called her Katy - not her real name) and a BBC assistant producer (let's call him Julian - not his real name):

Katy: Did you read Eamon Duffy's review of John Cornwell's latest book in the Guardian? 

Julian: Yes, of course. Cornwell really lays into the Catholic Church, doesn't he? Maybe we could get him onto Start the Week? He's bound to let rip against the Catholic Church. He really can't stand Catholic conservatives, can he? What do you reckon?

Katy: Yeah, sounds like a great idea to me, J-J. Clever, controversial - and can't stand Catholic conservatives! What's not to like?!? I'll give him a call.

Julian: The Torygraph won't like it though! Damian Thompson on Line 1. (Laughter)

Katy: Maybe we can do something around the subject of confession then? 

Julian: Yes. That's our sort of thing.

Katy: But we need to broaden it out. 45 minutes of Catholics and confession? Urgh! 

Julian: Yeah, urghh!!

Katy: Obviously we need a psychoanalyst. We'll present that as the modern form of confession.

Julian: Yep. It's got to be Susie Orbach, hasn't it? She's brilliant, a great talker, and a feminist. Talks good sense. Mocks us men too. I like that.

Katy: I know you do, tiger! Plus that will make the Colonel Blimps choke on their port!

Julian: The Hate Mail will accuse us of hating males! (Laughter)

Katy: OK, Susie Orbach it is then. Bit heavy though, don't you think, so far? Do you think we need someone a bit less brainy? 

Julian: Someone from UKIP, you mean? (Laughter)

Katy: Got it! TV confessions...er, we're not likely to get Jeremy Vile, are we?

Julian: Oh, that would be good but, no, I don't think we'll be able to get him.

Katy: If we can't get Kyle, we could always get Vanessa Feltz. She's BBC now after all...

Julian: Yes.

Katy: ...and she's hardly going to turn us down, is she?

Julian: What, Vanessa? She never turns anyone down! (Laughter)

Katy: Right, Vanessa it is then. That's the chavy part of the audience taken care of then! (Laughter). Right, that's three guests down. Who else can be get? 

Julian: All these people listen to people confessing...or at least write about it. What about getting someone on who is confessing something? Someone who feels the need to confess?

Katy: What, like a f***ing banker? (Laughter)

Julian: Yeah... but actually, why not? I mean, I saw something in the Guardian...I'm going to have to look it up though....something about an American banker who feels really ashamed about the life he led as a banker in the run up the the global downturn in America. He'd be great to have on. 

Katy: Cool. I'll see if he's available. So let's review. We've got John Cornwell, who'll give the Latin boys a good bashing. We've got Susie Orbach and Vanessa Feltz. And if we can get this banker guy then we're in business.

Julian: Great. Do you want me to let Andy know?

Katy: That would be cool. Now kiss me. (They kiss passionately),

And thus, perhaps, was born this very week's Start the Week.